George: Fitted Hat Day? That's what you asked Steinbrenner for?
Jerry: You mean they're actually doing the fitted hats? Cool.
George: Guess who he put in charge of Fitted Hat Day? Me.
Jerry: Hey, look at you.
George: Yeah, look at me. Now, I gotta figure out the different head sizes of 59,000 different people! What if a pinhead shows up? I gotta be on top of that.

Hal: What is that smell?
Elaine: What smell?
Hal: I think it's the mattress. Did something happen to it?
Elaine: No, no. Oh, you know what that is? I went clamming the other day and I forgot to hose off my boots.
Hal: Clamming?
Elaine: Yeah, I clam and scallop. I clam and scallop.

Elaine: I liked that stuffed-crust pizza, cheese-in-crust pizza.
Hal: It's just more cheese.
Elaine: Hey, let me tell you something. It'll be years before they find another place to hide cheese on a pizza.

Hal: You and Elaine are pretty close.
Kramer: Oh, we go back a ways.
Hal: And you've.... How do I put this? You've been in her bed.
Kramer: That's right.
Hal: But this isn't still going on?
Kramer: No, no, no, she put a stop to that.
Hal: That's all I needed to know. So you actually swim in this thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah. Exercises every muscle in the body. It's great for the back.
Hal: Great for the back. Right.
Kramer: Four hours in this chop, and I'm a full inch taller. Giddyup.

George: Sir, I'm sure it's not a bomb.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, yeah? Don't be so brave, George. You mess with them. They're messing with you. All right, boys, send it in. [the bomb disposal robot enters George's office and heads towards a Godzilla toy] Wait. What's that thing straight ahead? Is that's anything? Is that Mothra? Okay, let's check the desk. That's where I heard the ticking. We're gonna search each of those drawers, starting with the top one. Oh. It's just empty calories and male curiosity, hey, Georgie?
Bomb Squad Cop: Looks like there's more compartments underneath.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Compartments underneath? Probably where it is. Okay, boys, let it rip. [a saw cuts through George's desk] I'll tell you what, George, starting tomorrow, no more desks. Just a Lucite table and four legs.

Man: [to his son] And over there, that's Brooklyn . That's where Spike Lee lives.
[The boy sees Kramer in the water through the periscope]
Boy: Hey, there's a man swimming in the water.
Man: No, that's probably just a dead body, son. You see, when the mob kills someone they through the body in the river.

Hal: Hey, Kramer.
Kramer: What's going on?
Hal: I told my chiropractor how swimming in the river made my back feel. He recommended it to all his patients.
Old Man: Step aside. [jumps into the water]
Kramer: He just sunk like a stone, didn't he?

Mr. Steinbrenner: Hey, you kids are up on all the new tunes. Tell me if this one rings a bell: "Heartbreaker. Love-taker. Shoemaker. Won't you fix my shoes for free?" Anything? Shorty? Girl?
Secretary: Mr. Steinbrenner, we just received a call. There's a bomb in the building.
Mr. Steinbrenner: A bomb in the building? Oh, my God. Quick, everyone under the desk.

George: Oh, boy I was up to four in the morning watching the Omen trilogy.
Jerry: That's good stuff.
George: The devil? Forget about it.
Elaine: Well, he was the devil's son, right?
Jerry: I thought he was the devil's helper.
Elaine: Well, he's pretty scary for a helper.

George: I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm exhausted.
Jerry: Can't you grab a nap at work?
George: Not with that big glass window looking out onto the hall. And I a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning. I'll see you.