George: Five-hundred dollars?! What?
Jerry: That's what she told me.
George: I'm not paying $500 for this! It's a piece of junk!
Jerry: That's what it costs.
George: Why did you even take it? You broke up with her!
Jerry: I wasn't thinking. I don't know.
George: You weren't thinking.
Jerry: Well, I mean, she framed it and everything.
George: Well, I'm not buying it. No way. Forget it. No way I'm buying this! I mean, look at it! What is it? It's a bunch of squiggly lines! Are you telling me you couldn't paint this?
Jerry: Do you want me to paint you something? I'd love to paint you something!
George: I'm not paying for this. If you were going out with her, it'd be a different story.

Jerry: This is amazing, you can't believe this!
George: What's it say?
Jerry: Listen to this: "I don't know what you expect to find out there, Jerry, you know what you want better than me. But there's one thing I do know. I know I can stand here watching you try to destroy everything I've ever wanted in my life, wanting to smash your face with my fists, because you won't make even the slightest effort to offer happiness and still know that I love you. You mean so much to me that I'm willing to take all your abuse and insults and insensitivity."
George: Wow.
Kramer: She's deep.
Jerry: "...'cause that's what you need to do to prove I'm not going to leave you. I'm sick and tired of running from places and people and relationships. You want me, that fight for me, becau-" [Kramer blows his nose loudly] "...because I'm sure as hell fighting for you!" [Kramer wipes the snotty cloth on George's painting]
Kramer: You know Jerry, she sounds like a poet!
Jerry: No one's ever written me a letter like this. Maybe I was wrong about her!

Nina: Hello, George.
George: Hey, Nina! I owe you some money, don't I?
Nina: Well, I really love that piece.
George: Oh, yeah, me too, me too. Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! [chuckles] You know, in fact, I've been thinking about it, and I feel like I'm stealing from you! Five-hundred dollars! It's gonna be worth thousands soon! You know what? On second thought, I can't even accept it.
Nina: No, no no no, George! A deal's a deal. I want you to have it!
George: This could be in a museum some day. It's not safe with me. It should really be in a doormanned building.
Nina: Honestly, George, the money's not important.
George: Who said anything about money?

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, baseball season is starting. I'm very excited about that. Did you ever sneak down to better seats at the game and get caught by the usher? When you're a kid, it doesn't matter, because you're always getting chased from every place anyway, so... When you're an adult, it's really embarrassing to get caught. You have to pretend like there's some confusion. So you put on this whole act. You're looking at the tickets. "I don't understand how this could have happened. Let me see what happened. Oh, I understand. These are very good seats. I have very bad seats. That's the misunderstanding."

Mr. Lippman: Yeah, so Lenny gave me the tickets for tomorrow night. I'm inviting Frank and Marsha. I want you to come.
Elaine: Ah. I've- I've got plans, though, Mr. Li-
Mr. Lippman: Well, break 'em. You missed the bris, I want you at the game.
Elaine: Okay.
Mr. Lippman: Good. [Elaine stars to leave] Oh, and Elaine, you know the Baltimore cap you got in your office? Wear it. I'm gonna have a little fun with him.
Elaine: That will be fun.

Nina: Kramer, would you hold still? I can't do this if you keep moving.
Kramer: You sure you don’t want me to take my clothes off? I'll do it!
Nina: No, that's the last thing in the world I want you to do.
Kramer: Well, why don't you take your clothes off?
Nina: I don't know... I don't think Jerry would like that.
Kramer: Well, it'd be our little secret.

Jerry: What are you doing today?
George: Nothing.
Jerry: I have to go meet Nina. Want to come up to her lot, check out her paintings?
George: I don't get art.
Jerry: There's nothing to get.
George: Well, it always has to be explained to me, and then I have to have someone explain the explanation.
Jerry: She does a lot of abstract stuff. In fact, she's painting Kramer right now.
George: What for?
Jerry: She sees something in him.
George: So do I, but I wouldn't hang it on a wall.

Nina: Tell me about Elaine.
Kramer: You know, she and Jerry were a big thing, like Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd.
Nina: But, they're still friends.
Kramer: Oh, yeah, yeah. They're like this.
Nina: Don't you think that's strange?
Kramer: Why, what's the difference?
Nina: Well, are you still friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
Kramer: Well, you know... I, uh... I have many relationships.

George: You know, I'm a little nervous.
Jerry: Why?
George: Well, you know, the friend meeting the new woman. I feel like I'm getting fixed up for a friendship.
Jerry: I don't know how long this is gonna last.
George: Really? I thought you liked her.
Jerry: I do... she's got like a jealousy thing. She doesn't like me having fun with anyone but her.
George: You know, it's a miracle you're not married. Hey, I'm not obligated to buy anything, am I?

Jerry: I brought George up to see some of your paintings.
Nina: Oh, are you interested?
George: Um... Yeah. Sure, sure I'm interested.
Kramer: George, you gonna buy a painting?
George: Yeah, sure.
Nina: Are you an art-lover?
George: I am an art-adorer! I adore art.