Jerry: Listen, Tiny. I wanna know where Kramer is and wanna know now!
Newman: All right, go ahead and hit me, Seinfeld. I got witnesses.
Jerry: Turn around, George.
George: Sure. [turns around]
Newman: George?
Jerry: Now, you better tell me where Kramer is, or are we gonna have to do this the hard way? [hits wall]
Newman: Help! Help!
Jerry: Where's Kramer?
Newman: Help!
Elaine: [rushes over] What's going on?
[Newman grabs Elaine and uses her as a human shield]
Newman: They're gonna beat me up!

Jerry: We're trying to find out what happened to Kramer.
Newman: You wanna know what happened to Kramer? I'll tell you what happened to Kramer. He was ticked off., about the keys. Yeah, that's right. About the keys. Thought he got a bad rap.
Jerry: Bad rap?
Newman: Yeah. From you.
Jerry: Me?
Newman: You heard me. So he packed it up and split for the coast. La-la Land. L.A.

Jerry: I never should have taken his keys away. But he drove me to it! I had no choice! He wouldn't take them back. Elaine, you saw it, remember? I said, "Take the keys back." He wouldn't do anything. You saw it, didn't you see it?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, I saw it. [mutters] I mean, it's complete bull-
Jerry: Huh?
Elaine: What?
Jerry: No, what'd you say?
Elaine: Nothing. I didn't say anything.
Jerry: Oh, you didn't see it?
Elaine: Yeah, I saw it. I saw it! I did, I saw it. Yep.
Jerry: I heard you say something, there.
Elaine: I didn't say anything.
Jerry: I'm calling Kramer's mother. I don't know what you said. But it was something. I heard something.

Jerry: [on the phone] Hello? Hello, Mrs. Kramer? Mrs. Kramer? Could you turn the music down? Could you turn the music down!
George: Ask her about Kramer.
Jerry: She's drunk out of her mind.

Kramer: Hey! You ever been in an accident?
Biker: About five years ago. I was going down this very road. Same time of day, going about the same speed I'm going now. There was a rock in the road. Couldn't have been more than a pebble. Never really saw it! Lost control of the bike, went flyin' about a hundred feet, came down right on my head. Cracked it wide open! Blood and stuff was just splattered all over the road, there. I broke every bone in my face. Hey, you know, when they found me, my eyes were hanging out of their sockets! Yeah, they pronounced me dead at the scene. I was in a coma for... Well, they told me about a year. Said I'd be a vegetable for life. Yeah, but I showed them. Of course, since then I always wear a helmet! Lean!

Jerry: Georgie Boy! Way to come through with the keys. Sit down, I'm buying you dinner.
George: Look, I gotta tell you, I been thinking about it, I just don't feel right about letting you into Elaine's apartment.
Jerry: Don't feel right? What are you talking about?
George: Well, you know, I shouldn't have let you into Kramer's, now you want to go into Elaine's. She entrusted me with her spare keys, how can I just let you in?
Jerry: What is the big deal?
George: Just because you have someone's spare keys, it doesn't entitle you to break into their apartment. That's the reason you took away Kramer's keys.
Jerry: First of all, you're not even supposed to have Elaine's keys. You're supposed to give them back to her, so she can give them back to me, because she has mine. So technically, those are my keys.
George: Yes, well, if you had never taken your keys back from Kramer, he never would have taken his back from you and given them to me, in which case I wouldn't have had to take mine back from her.
Jerry: Well, I want those keys.
George: Nope, no can do.

Kramer: And then, the evil ogre took back the magical keys from the handsome young prince.
Hippie #1: Oh, no. He didn't take back the keys, no way.
Kramer: Yes! And then the handsome young prince was cast out into the cruel, cruel world.
Hippie #1: Oh man, what a bummer. That ogre dude's pretty cold, huh?
Kramer: Oh, he's cold.
Hippie #1: Let me tell you something, Kramer. If that ogre dude pulled that crap on me, [shouts] I'd stab him! I'd gut him in half! I'd gut him like a fish, man! That's what I'd do!
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. That'd be funny. [to driver] Hey, you can drop me here!
Hippie #1: Hey, what's the rush, man?
Kramer: Well, you know, I gotta be going now.
Hippie #1: Hey, Kramer, have you ever killed a man?
Kramer: What do you think, junior? You think these hands have been soakin' in Ivory liquid?
Hippie #2: Don't leave, Kramer, stay with us. You know so much about the world, we need you, please Kramer! [all] Please, Kramer! Please, Kramer!

Jerry: Don't you see? You're just avoiding the middle man. You were gonna give her her spare keys, so she was gonna give them to me. So, all that's happening is that instead of giving them to her, you're giving them to me. It's just unfortunate that when she gave you yours, you didn't give her hers. 'Cause then she would have given them to me, because she has mine. So then I would have never had to ask you for hers, so that I could get mine.
George: You're right, how did I miss that? Maybe because it's a crock of sh-.
Jerry: What's that?
George: Nothing.
Jerry: I heard something.
George: Didn't say anything.

George: They were in here. I saw her put them in here!
Jerry: Well, this is great.
George: Well, what do they look like?
Jerry: They look like keys, George. They look exactly like keys. [mockingly] "What do they look like."

Jerry: What is this? Murphy Brown?
George: What?
Jerry: By Elaine Benes?
George: What?
Jerry: Elaine's writing a Murphy Brown?
George: Let me see this.
Jerry: Wait a second!
George: Give me half.
Jerry: All right, here!
George: Why didn't she tell us?
Jerry: Elaine is writing a sitcom...!
[After Elaine walks up behind them, Jerry and George throw the papers to the ground]