George: Well, they're obviously not here.
Jerry: Well, they've gotta be here somewhere.
George: Jerry, unless I pull down on this statuette and a hidden wall opens up, we have checked every square inch of this apartment!

Elaine: I just thought I could write it.
Jerry: Is that something you want to do?
Elaine: I don't know. Those writers make a lot of money.
Jerry: Elaine, let me tell you something about show business.
Elaine: [scoffs] I can't believe it.
Jerry: It's hard work! You don't just write a Murphy Brown. You gotta watch the show, study it, get a sense of the characters, how they relate to each other.
Elaine: Okay, can I just watch the show? [quietly] God, what an ass-.
Jerry: What did you say?
Elaine: I didn't say anything.
Jerry: I heard something.

Kramer: So, how long you been driving this thing?
Woman: Going on four years.
Kramer: Well, nothing's sexier than a woman behind the wheel of a semi.
Woman: Nothing? [they share a glance and laugh] Listen to you, you're quite the sweet-talker.
Kramer: You know, I always wanted to drive the big rigs. I used to watch those commercials during the reruns of Gomer Pyle.
Woman: You want to give it a try?
Kramer: Really?
Woman: Do you know how to double-clutch?
Kramer: Yeah.
Woman: Well, come on!
[They swap seats while driving]

Jerry: [inner monologue] What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It's not like I'm running a marathon, I'm just lying there. What the hell...? Why is the door open?
Kramer: [screams]
Jerry: [screams] Kramer, what are you doing here!?
Kramer: Jerry, now calm down. It's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you up! You know, I was watching Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo, and I, you know, I wanted to get some popcorn, and I, uh... I used the spare keys that you gave me to come into your apartment to get your popper.
Jerry: You scared me!
Kramer: It's just me.
Jerry: That's enough!
Kramer: Forgot the popper. [exits]

Jerry: Kramer! What are you doing?!
Kramer: What does it look like I'm doing? What?
Jerry: Get out! Get out of the bathroom, I gotta go!
Kramer: All right, all right.
Jerry: Come on!
Kramer: Sorry.
Jerry: Move it! Move it! Get going!
Kramer: My drain's all clogged up.

Nina: I'm really happy the movie was sold out.
Jerry: Hey, did you ever pretend there's like, murderers chasing you, and you try and see how fast you can get your keys out and get into your apartment?
Nina: I'm from Witchita, so...
Jerry: Oh. I see. [panicked] There he is!
Nina: Hurry, Jerry! He's coming! Hurry!
Jerry: The murderers!
[As they get inside the apartment, they both breathe a sigh of relief]
Nina: That was close!
Jerry: Did you see the look on that guy's face?
Nina: You were so fast with those keys.
[As Jerry and Nina lean in to kiss, Kramer comes out of the bedroom with a woman]
Jerry: Kramer! What the hell are you doing here?!
Kramer: Hey, Jerry! How are you? I thought you were going to the movies.
Jerry: All right, that's it. Hand them over.
Kramer: What?
Jerry: What, you know what, the keys. I want the keys. You've lost your key privileges.

Kramer: What? What, I thought you went to the movies.
Jerry: It was sold out.
Kramer: Now, how was I supposed to know it was going to be sold out?
Jerry: That's the point.
Kramer: What point?
Jerry: Just, look, just give the keys.
Kramer: Just give me another chance!
Jerry: Don't ask me!
Kramer: I'm asking you!
Jerry: I'm telling you.
Kramer: You're joking.
Jerry: I'm serious!
Kramer: It's not going to happen again!
Jerry: Yes, it will. Now give me those keys.

Kramer: No, no, no, it's okay. I don't care about the keys. It's my fault. I gave the keys away with my stupidity. I broke "the covenant of the keys."

Kramer: Do you ever yearn?
George: Yearn? Do I yearn?
Kramer: I yearn.
George: You yearn.
Kramer: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often, I.. I sit and yearn. Have you yearned?
George: Well, not recently. I craved. I crave all the time, constant craving... but I haven't yearned.

George: Anyway, so he gave me his spare keys, now he wants to have my keys, so I need mine back from you.
Elaine: Just 'cause you have his keys? Why does he need yours?
George: I don't know. He said he wants to be my "key brother."
Elaine: That's ridiculous.
George: That's Kramer. [shakes huge key ring]