George Quote #380
Jerry: Georgie Boy! Way to come through with the keys. Sit down, I'm buying you dinner.
George: Look, I gotta tell you, I been thinking about it, I just don't feel right about letting you into Elaine's apartment.
Jerry: Don't feel right? What are you talking about?
George: Well, you know, I shouldn't have let you into Kramer's, now you want to go into Elaine's. She entrusted me with her spare keys, how can I just let you in?
Jerry: What is the big deal?
George: Just because you have someone's spare keys, it doesn't entitle you to break into their apartment. That's the reason you took away Kramer's keys.
Jerry: First of all, you're not even supposed to have Elaine's keys. You're supposed to give them back to her, so she can give them back to me, because she has mine. So technically, those are my keys.
George: Yes, well, if you had never taken your keys back from Kramer, he never would have taken his back from you and given them to me, in which case I wouldn't have had to take mine back from her.
Jerry: Well, I want those keys.
George: Nope, no can do.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Keys’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: So, I fly a lot. I like planes. I was on a plane the other day and I was wondering, are there keys to the plane? Do they need keys to start the plane? Maybe that's what those delays on the ground are sometimes. When you're just sitting there at the gate, maybe the pilot's just up there in the cockpit going... "Oh, I don't believe this. Oh, my God. I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical, because they don't want to come on the PA system: "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a little while, I uh...Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I- I left the keys to the plane in my apartment." You see the technicians all running underneath the plane; you think they're servicing it, but they're actually looking for the magnet "hide-a-key" under the wing. "Maybe he left it up there somewhere."
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: Elaine, Elaine! It's Kramer! Kramer's on Murphy Brown!
Elaine: Kramer's on Murphy Brown!
Jerry: Look, there he is. He's sittin' at the desk!
[on the TV:]
Candice Bergen: Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, you must be my new secretary.
Kramer: Oh, good morning, Miss Brown.
Candice Bergen: And you are...?
Kramer: Oh, I'm uh, Steven Snell.
Candice Bergen: Snell. Well, hello, Mr. Snell.
Kramer: Steven.
Candice Bergen: Steven. Are you familiar with this computer system?
Kramer: Oh, I'm familiar, yes.
Candice Bergen: Steven Snell? I know people. And I have a very good feeling about you. [exits]
[Kramer types rapidly on the computer and takes a bite of a donut]
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I bought the Ginsu knife. I did buy the Ginsu knife. I know, you can't believe it, but I did, I swear. I saw it. And it was late at night, and I was watching the thing, and it started making sense to me. I'm thinking, "Yeah, cut through the shoe. Cut through the can. Yeah, I like that." So I called up the number of the screen, you know, and I said, "I'd like to order the Ginsu knife." And the lady went, "Really?" I mean, even the Ginsu people have given up. It's really so sad. I mean, to be honest, if you need a knife that can cut through a shoe, perhaps you're not buying the highest grade of meat currently available. You know, maybe you ought to think about not getting the "hoof cut" once in a while.