‘The Hot Tub’
Season 7, Episode 5 - Aired October 19, 1995
George's boss worries he's stressing out on the job because he purposely looks annoyed all the time. Elaine agrees to host a marathon runner who once slept through his alarm and missed an important race. Meanwhile, Kramer installs a hot tub in his apartment.
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: How do you oversleep at the Olympics?
Elaine: Ah, I know. I know.
Jerry: I mean, it's like the biggest event of your life! You'd think you'd have, like, 6 alarm clocks, paying off little kids in the village to come banging on your door...
Elaine: Yeah, well, he was pretty devastated. This is his first race in 3 years.
Jerry: Ah. That's a big responsibility on your hands.
Elaine: What responsibility? I don't have any responsibility.
Jerry: You gotta wake him up!
Elaine: Eh, he'll get up.
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: I've seen her in your building.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: I didn't know she was married.
Elaine: [whispering] She's not. And the guy just took off. [makes a sad face] Don't say anything to anybody.
Jerry: Who am I gonna tell?
Elaine: I know, it's just something you have to say.
Quote from Jerry
Elaine: Listen, listen I'm gonna go call work to see if I can get my deadline extended. I can't come up with anything for this thing.
Jerry: Ah, catalog writer's block?
Elaine: Yeah, that's funny.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: So what happened? The snooze alarm, wasn't it?
Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn't the snooze. Most people think it was the snooze, but no, no snooze.
Jerry: AM/PM.
Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn't the AM/PM. It was the volume.
Jerry: Ah, the volume.
Jean-Paul: Yes, the volume. There was a separate knob for the radio alarm.
Jerry: Ah, separate knob.
Jean-Paul: Yes, separate knob. Why separate knob?! Why separate knob?!
Jerry: Some people like to have the radio alarm a little louder than the radio.
Jean-Paul: Oh, please, man, please!
Jerry: Don't worry, it's not gonna happen again. Not if I have anything to say about it.
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: Elaine, what's the alarm clock situation in your house?
Elaine: Jerry.
Jerry: It's a simple question.
Elaine: I've got an alarm, okay?
Jerry: That old one? Didn't I once miss a flight to Cleveland because of that alarm clock?
Jean-Paul: Flight to Cleveland?
Elaine: It works.
Jerry: Elaine.
Elaine: It works!
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: Well, you said you were gonna be here at a certain time, and you weren't.
Elaine: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And this all means, what?
Jerry: Well, it means that a man has come from very far away to compete in a very difficult race, he's put his faith in you, and frankly, I'm a little concerned!
Elaine: Oh are you?!
Jerry: Yes, I am.
Elaine: Hey, I'm not running in the marathon! He is!
Jerry: Yeah, I know that.
Elaine: Yeah, I got enough to think about just trying to come up with some load of crap for that Himalayan walking shoe! I mean, I've given him a place to stay, I'll set an alarm, but I'm not gonna turn my life completely upside down for this guy!
Quote from Elaine
Kramer: What's burning?
Elaine: Oh, God. My muffin! [opens microwave] Oh, shoot!
Jerry: What happened?
Elaine: Oh I don't know. I set this thing for 20 seconds.
Kramer: This was set for 2 minutes. See?
[Jerry raises his hands in the air, worried]
Elaine: Don't say anything! Don't say anything!
Jean-Paul: You mis-set the timer...
Elaine: Jean-Paul, it's not my microwave, okay? Okay? All right, listen, let's just go. Come on, Jean-Paul, let's go. Let's go.
Quote from George
Clayton: 'till this bastard over here says: "Let's call the sons o'bitches and go visit them in New York!" [all laugh]
George: Well, we're certainly glad that you could make it.
Gardner: I like your organization, George. We've been talking to a really friendly son of a bitch in the front office. Wilhelm, I think is his name.
George: Oh yes, Mr.Wilhelm, yeah.
Gardner: He told us that George Costanza was gonna be taking us bastards out on the town. [all laugh] I said: "That son of a bitch doesn't know what he's got in store for him!". [all laugh]
Zeke: Finish your drink?
George: Oh yeah, almost. Almost.
Zeke: Let's get that bastard bring us another round!
Clayton: You a big drinker, George?
George: Well, maybe not as much as this bastard... [points to Zeke; all laugh] I can hold my own!
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Jean-Paul, I asked you down here this morning because I'm concerned. Concerned that tomorrow is perhaps the biggest race of your entire career. And the person with whom you have chosen to stay is...
Jean-Paul: What are you saying?
Jerry: I'm saying "get the hell outta there"! Let me put you in a hotel. You'll be comfortable. You'll be near the starting line. And most importantly, you'll have a wake-up call, Jean-Paul! A wake-up call!
Jean-Paul: Wake-up call.
Jerry: These people never fail. They sit in a room with a big clock all night long, just waiting to make that call!
Quote from George
George: Hey, you bastards.
Jerry: Hey, how was the meeting?
George: I really like those sons of bitches.
Jerry: Sons of bitches?
George: Yeah. That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it's like uh., Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!" (laughs)
Jean-Paul: Really?!
George: Yeah, yeah. That's how they talk in the major league.