George: What did you do today, dad?
Frank Costanza: Today, I went record shopping in Greenwich Village. I bought this record, but I can't seem to find the hi-fi.
George: I don't have a hi-fi.
Frank Costanza: Didn't I give you my old record player?
George: I gave it to Cosmo.
Frank Costanza: Cosmo? Who's Cosmo?
Kramer: I'm Cosmo.
Frank Costanza: Well, I want it back. I wanna listen to that cha-cha record.

Elaine: Jerry, it's six. Let's go.
Jerry: Uh, that doorman's still milling around outside. He's very peculiar.

Jerry: [answers the phone] Hello? Oh, hi Mr. Pitt.
Elaine: Give that to me. [on the phone] Hello Mr. Pitt. How's Scotland?
Mr. Pitt: Elaine, are you having a party?
Elaine: A party. Oh no, that was just my stupid friend Jerry.
Jerry: All right, he just left. We can go.
Mr. Pitt: Because there's to be no entertaining while I'm gone.
Elaine: Believe me, we're not entertained. We were just leaving. [to Jerry] Oh, can you grab those empty bottles for me.
Mr. Pitt: I need to know what's in the mail.
Elaine: Oh, well, Mr. Pitt, there's really nothing that can't wait. We're trying to catch a movie.
Mr. Pitt: Well, you better catch the later show, because I need to know what's in the mail.
Elaine: All right. [to Jerry, upset] I can't go.

Elaine: [on the phone] Um, the new Time magazine. The new People.
Mr. Pitt: Oh, who's on the cover?

Doorman: Hey, buddy.
Jerry: You? Wh- What are you doing here? You work at this building too?
Doorman: Ah, sure. Poor doorman has to work two jobs to put food on the table
for mother and baby. No, I live here. That's okay, isn't it?
Jerry: So you work all day as a doorman at one building. Then you come home and stand outside your own building?
Doorman: You got a problem with that?
Jerry: Look, I'm not going in your building. I really don't have to talk to you. Goodbye. [walks away]
Doorman: You really think you're better than me, don't you?!

Kramer: You know, maybe you're gonna get 'em too, George.
George: Yeah, that's right. What if it's a genetic thing, like father like son?
Jerry: But, your father's not bald.
George: No, no no. That skips a generation. The baldness gene comes from your grandfather.
Jerry: Then I suppose the bosom gene comes from your grandmother.

Buxom Woman: [points to her chest] Hey, we're twins.
George: What!?
Buxom Woman: Our shirts. They're the same.
George: Oh, huh, imagine that.

Elaine: What? What did you say to the doorman?
Jerry: What? Nothing.
Elaine: He claims that you followed him home, and started harassing him.
Jerry: What, does this guy got a personal vendetta with me?! What did I do to him? Cause I asked him about the Knicks?
Elaine: Hey, did you make the movie?
Jerry: No.
Elaine: You wanna go tonight? You can pick me up.
Jerry: All right. Can we go to a later show, so he's off his shift when I come by?
Elaine: Ugh. So now we have to rearrange our lives to avoid the doorman?
Jerry: Yes, we do.

Doorman: Help you?
Jerry: Ho! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be gone.
Doorman: I traded shifts with the night doorman. He had some personal affairs to
attend to. You see, my fellow doorman and I watch out for each other. We don't stab each other in the back, like people in your world.
Jerry: Look, I don't want any trouble. I don't have a doorman in my building. I guess I'm just not used to talking to them. I'd really just like to be friends.
Doorman: You wanna be friends?
Jerry: I'd like to be.
Doorman: Then watch the door for a minute, would you?
Jerry: What?
Doorman: Yeah, I just wanna run and get a beer. I'll be back in a minute.
Jerry: Wha...? Wai... wait a second. What do I do?
Doorman: It's not brain surgery. You open the door for people who live here. And, if they don't live here, don't let them in. [takes off his hat] Here. [putting it on Jerry's head] Wear that. [exits]

Delivery Guy: You have to sign for it.
Jerry: Oh, right.
[After Jerry signs for the parcel, he opens up a newspaper]
Deliver Guy: Hey, how 'bout those Knicks, huh?
Jerry: Yeah, yeah, yeah.