Shelly: Hello, Aunt Estelle. Look at you. How did this happen?
George: Is that important, really?! What is this, a police investigation? The woman's been through enough. She has to relive the experience now?!

Joyce: So, when was the last time you took a class?
Elaine: Oh, it's been a while.
Joyce: Are you psyched?
Elaine: [fake enthusiasm] Yeah. yeah, I'm really... psyched.
Joyce: Well, you're gonna thank me for getting you in here.
Elaine: Why is that?
Joyce: See the guy with the dark hair and the red shorts?
Elaine: Oh, my God. John F. Kennedy Junior's here!
Joyce: He's gonna be in your class today.
Elaine: In my class? John Kennedy's gonna be in my class?!
Joyce: I can get you a spot right behind him. He has got a great butt.
Elaine: Yeah. Butt. Butt. Great butt. John-John's butt.

Kramer: No, I'm not gonna let you do it, Jerry.
Jerry: Kramer, get outta my way!
Kramer: No, no, no. Don't do it. Don't do it! For my sake! God knows I don't ask you for much! Now, come on. Please, Jerry. Please! I'm begging you! Please! Come on! Please!
Jerry: All right.
Kramer: Yes!
Jerry: All right.
Kramer: Thank you, thank you, thank you. [sits down in a chair at the window]
Jerry: She's not there!
Kramer: Oh, I can wait...

Estelle Costanza: You're back.
George: Of course I'm back. Why wouldn't I be back? My mother's in the hospital, I'm going to pay her a visit.
Estelle Costanza: I know, but two days in a row? You didn't have to do this.
George: You're my mother. What wouldn't I do for you?
Estelle Costanza: You know what you could do? I haven't eaten lunch or dinner. I can't eat this hospital food. Maybe you could run down to the deli and get me a sandwich..
George: You got it, Ma. A little later. [George sits down]
Estelle Costanza: Could you go now, George? I'm very hungry. I'm weak.
George: Well, wait a little while, Ma. What's the difference?
Estelle Costanza: I don't understand why you can't do this for me!
George: I just got here, Ma! I'd like to spend a little time with you.
Estelle Costanza: But if you wait, they won't let you back in! Visiting hours are almost over!
George: Ten minutes! Here, here. Have some Tic-Tacs.
Estelle Costanza: Get the hell outta here. I'm sorry you came.

Joyce: Did you get your hair done today?
Elaine: No, I just, uh, fixed it.. a little bit.
Joyce: You-know-who isn't here. He was in the early class today. But I think you made quite an impression on him yesterday.
Elaine: What? What? Who? Me-me-me? I made an impression? What impression?
Joyce: Let me just put this back.
Elaine: No! No! Now! Tell me now! What did he say?!
Joyce: He asked about you.
Elaine: He asked about me? John Kennedy asked about me?! What did he say?
Joyce: He wanted to know your situation.
Elaine: What situation? I have a situation?
Joyce: I-I told him you were single.
Elaine: That was good. That was very good.
Joyce: He said you were just his type.
Elaine: Okay, you trying to hurt me? Are you trying to hurt- You're trying to injure me, right? You're trying to hurt me.
Joyce: He also told me to tell you that he'll be in your neighborhood tomorrow around nine o' clock - so he's gonna stop in front of your building if you want to come down and say hello.

George: All you got is instant coffee? Why don't you get some real coffee?
Jerry: I don't keep real coffee in here, I get my coffee on the outside!

George: Where did you get those socks?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: I think those are my socks!
Jerry: How are these your socks?!
George: I don't know, but those are my socks! I had a pair just like that with the blue stripe, and now I don't have them anymore!
Jerry: Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, you fell asleep one day on the sofa and I took them off your stinking feet. They looked so good to me, I had to have them!
George: Yeah, well, they're my socks!
Jerry: They're my socks!

George: Oh, boy.
Jerry: What are we doing here?
George: Oh boy.
Jerry: This is ridiculous.
George: Do you believe this? We're fighting. We're fighting.
Jerry: I haven't been myself lately. I've been snapping at everybody.
George: Me too. I've been yelling at strangers on the street.

[Elaine sheepishly enters the apartment, walks over to the kitchen counter and takes money out of her purse]
Elaine: Hello.
George: You caved?!
Jerry: It's over?
George: You're out?
Jerry: Oh, my God. The Queen is dead.
[Elaine sets the bills down on the counter]

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Men wanna see women naked. Whatever it is that you won't show us, that's what we're obsessed with seeing. I mean, if women always wore hats in public, all the time, you'd see men buying "Playhead magazine". You know, "Skulls of the Big 10". This would be the only thing that we're interested in. What about these cultures in, like, National Geographic, where everybody is naked. What are the men in these cultures trying to look at when the women walk by? How could you have a strip club in a place like that? A woman goes on the stage, takes off the necklace and takes out nose ring, that's it, show's over. Men are in the audience going, "Boy, did you see that little indentation in the top of her lip? I told you, this place is hot."