J.D. Quote #1393
Maggie: So, how bad is it gonna be?
Turk: Well, you're gonna lose the dead tissue, but thanks to modern medicine you're gonna keep most of your foot. You won't believe how much worse it would've been even a few years ago.
[medieval fantasy: Maggie is tied down, with a plank of wood in her mouth, as Turk hovers over her with a saw:]
Maggie: [screams]
Turk: This might hurteth a little.
J.D.: Look, milady, I know it stinks that we're removing your foot and plan to eat it tonight at the healing feast, but you wouldn't believeth how much worse it would've been, even a few years ago.
[cave-age fantasy:]
Maggie: [complaining grunts]
[After Turk and J.D. talk to each other, Turk knocks Maggie out with his club. J.D. then knocks Turk out with his club. The Scrubs sad theme plays as caveman J.D. thinks about what he's done.]
J.D.: [v.o.] Onga bonga tonga ronga, gatanga batanga banga.
[reality:]
J.D.: I may have killed you, but I think I was upset about it.
Features in the collection: J.D.'s Best Fantasies.
Scrubs Quotes
‘J.D.'s Best Fantasies’
Quote from J.D. in My Quarantine
Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?
Quote from J.D. in My Words of Wisdom
J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.
‘My Scrubs’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Nothing ever changes. The artist formerly known as Prince is still just Prince. My ex-wife is still pretty much my wife. Grey's Anatomy always reps up every episode some cheesy voiceover that ties together all of the story lines, which incidentally is my least favorite device on television. Newbie continually will try to violate my no-touching policy. [looks around] Uh-huh. And Republicans will forever try to raise-
J.D.: Sneak hug!
Dr. Cox: Of course, I would go kill him right now but he actually just helped to prove my point.
Nurse Roberts: This is gonna help, too. There are ten orders of Percocet missing from the pharmacy.
Dr. Cox: Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea who I'm gonna give my complementary urine test to! [whistles at Mr. Thompson]
Quote from J.D.
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Turkleton, I want you to take good care of my friend Maggie here. Don't worry, we'll take care of you.
Carla: Name and insurance, please?
Maggie: Maggie Kent, and none.
Carla: All right, let's find a room.
J.D.: [v.o.] When a patient doesn't have any insurance you have to work around the system. First you have to find someone who's recently died.
J.D.: Cool! Mr. Rabinowitz just kicked it. [to Maggie] Oh, don't worry. He put his peep in an electrical socket.
You can't do that.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Ted, look at this budget. Oh, God, I have half a mind to make you pay for every cent of that new transformer.
Ted: I'm telling you, sir. A lifeless ghost dog glided in front of my car wearing roller-skates. [pops pill]
Dr. Kelso: If this is your way of trying to make me feel guilty about paving over that Indian burial ground, it isn't going to work. We needed the damn parking spaces.