Drew: Our presentation is at 7:00 a.m. Cole's supposed to do all the slides, Lucy, where the hell is he?
Lucy: Why are you asking me? Maybe he's napping. Maybe he's training to be a pastry chef. I don't know what his dreams are, Drew.
Drew: This is why I skipped junior high.
Maya: I'm sick of Cole. He's always running late. And I'm tired of him asking me to hook him up with Russell Crowe.
Trang: Yeah, and he's always making light of my family for coming to this country on a boat.
Drew: Trang, your dad owns, like, eight Hometown Buffets. Get over it.

Cole: What up, nerds?
Lucy: Cole, did you bring the slides?
Cole: Oh, snap. No, no, look, I was just about to start, then my boy Boots called, and he was all like, "Yo, cole, it's Boots! Let's go to SeaWorld." Dudes, I got to swim with a walrus!

Captain Duncook: You stole our cart. Now come correct about what you've done. Don't make me bring the thunder. 'cause once it's been brought, it cannot be unbrought.
Denise: You think maybe your cart wasn't stolen? Maybe it just left on its own.
Captain Duncoock: What in the name of Larry Holmes are you talking about?
Drew: We've seen the way you treat that cart. There are patterns of abuse there.
Denise: Yeah, I mean, the kicking, the insults.
Lt. Underhill: Skipping maintenance checks.
Captain Duncook: Don't forget where your bread's buttered, Frank.
Denise: Clearly, the cart is reacting to an injustice, trying to correct an imbalance in the universe.
Drew: Cart-ma.
Captain Duncook: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Denise: Is It?

Lucy: Oh, hey, guys. What's up? You out here scopin' the ladies? I hear Rebecca B. has sex with multiple partners. [high-pitched voice] What? [normal voice] That's how guys talk, right?
Drew: Not at all. Actually, we were just talking about how you told Cole that I said he couldn't get back into study group, but you never asked me that.
Lucy: I didn't?
Drew: Nope, and since the only thing I hate more than entitled little pukes who don't pull their own weight is when people put words in my mouth... Cole, you're back in study group.
Cole: Hells, yeah. The boys are back.
Drew: By punishing her, I punish myself. Such is life.

Drew: [panting] You okay? I just got your message.
Denise: I'm fine.
Drew: You said you were attacked.
Denise: Oh, yeah. That was a lie. Look at these two. They're totally falling apart, turning on each other. Okay, I think it's time to wrap this operation up. I need you to go find out who has the cart.
Drew: You said you were stabbed.
Denise: How come you never get my jokes? Now go. Chop-chop.
Drew: You said you were stabbed.

Lucy: Why are you such an ass? You think it's so cool just to brag to everybody about how you slept with me? Do you know how embarrassing that is?
Cole: You know what's embarrassing? That you're ashamed to be with me.
Lucy: Maybe I am. Cole, you call my butt nicknames in public.
Cole: What are you talking about?
Lucy: "Boomtown," "Lenny" and "the fart zone"?
Lucy: Plus, you abbreviate everything. News flash: PB&J is already abbreviated. You don't need to call it "peebers and jazz."
Cole: Oh, like you're so great? Okay, you're wishy-washy, you're obsessed with horses, and there's that weird role-play where you make me pretend I'm black.
Lucy: Is this coming from Cole or DeShawn?

Cole: Look, I know what people think of me, and I know I act like an ass sometimes. But I thought you saw through that. Okay? And I didn't brag about sleeping with you to seem cool. I did it because I'm proud that a girl like you would wanna be with someone like me. Boom, outta here.

Lucy: Drew, I'm really sorry I lied about the study group. It's just this thing with Cole is messing with my head. I know he's a tool, but then how come I feel so horrible?
Drew: Because you're a needy, sad, crazy person who constantly makes bad decisions? Just my first thought.
I'm still working out the rest.

Turk: Lucy, can I ask you a few questions about your douchey boyfriend? Um, does he ever say sweet stuff to you?
[flashback:]
Cole: Man, I never noticed what a beautiful smile you have.
[present:]
Lucy: Yeah, kinda.
Turk: And when you guys hang out, is it fun? Does he make you laugh?
[flashback to Lucy laughing with Cole about a trick candle]
Lucy: Maybe.
Turk: Think about Cole right now. How does he make you feel? You're smiling.
Lucy: Oh, crap. I like him.
Turk: Yes, you do. You like him. You like him, you crazy white girl.

Lucy: But it's Cole.
Drew: And as sad as that may be for you, this hospital is so brutal that if you actually find someone that can help you get through it, you're lucky. Because here,everyone needs someone to watch their back. Right, Dr, Turk?
Turk: Absolutely.
Lucy: I don't like Cole.
Drew: Yes, you do.
Lucy: Damn it!
Drew: I feel for you.