Janitor: May I? I'm not really at the talking part of relationships, but I've given this a little thought. And, huh... And here goes. If I were a catfish... See, that's no good. Catfish is no good. Let's pretend we were in Africa. And you're a monkey trying to steal my gold.
Lady: I'm a germaphobe!
Janitor: What?
Lady: The reason I don't want to hold hands is that I am a germaphobe. Specifically, a hand-specific germaphobe. My therapist thinks that part of the reason I'm attracted to you is that you clean germs for a living. And you're a dead ringer for my dad. Whatever, anyway. Look, I've never told anyone this before. And I just finally feel so comfortable with you that I want to be the real me. You know?
Janitor: I do. You're weird.
Lady: Yeah.
Janitor: love that.
Lady: Really?
Janitor: Yes. Hey, don't touch the table. It's full of bacteria.
Lady: Oh, thanks.

[After Janitor and Lady talk things through in Coffee Bucks:]
Dr. Kelso: Well, that sucked. See you tomorrow, everybody.
All: Bye, Bob!

Janitor: [holding Lady's shoulder] This is great. It's like I'm steering you. Look out for weird coughing guy.

J.D.: There's got to be a way I could get on SportsCenter. Dr. Cox is athletic. I wonder if he could help.
[fantasy: J.D. is strapped to a gurney as he hurtles down the corridor]
J.D.: [screams]
Elliot: What is going on?
Dr. Cox: Involuntary luge.
J.D.: Eagle!
Elliot: That's gotta hurt.
Dr. Cox: Glory always does.
Turk: Look at how his legs are all twisted.
[reality:]
J.D.: I'm still not sure why luge is even a sport.

Turk: I've been watching this show every day since I was 10 years old.
J.D.: So, they just sit there and talk about sports?
Carla: [o.s.] [laughs]
J.D.: Your wife is a dirty whore.
Turk: Dude!
J.D.: Sorry, not dirty.
Turk: Dude!
J.D.: Not a whore.