Turk: This is like my eleventh slice.
J.D.: Cannonball this.
Turk: Mm. That's the good stuff.
J.D.: So anyway, after Dr. Cox scared them, no one wanted pizza or punch. Except for Doug, who'd worked up a hearty appetite neglecting Mrs. Samson into a coma.

Carla: Turk, what is Rowdy doing in my closet?
Turk: He's guarding your shoes, baby.
Carla: He almost gave me a heart attack.
Turk: Baby, could you do me a favor and not hold him by the haunches like that? Yeah, he has hip dysplasia.
J.D.: He's a pure-bred. It's genetic.
[Carla drops Rowdy; Turk and J.D. gasp]
Carla: I am sick of that creepy thing. I want him out of my house!

Dr. Molly Clock: Well, I'm sure he's more than a pet to Turk. I mean he's basically a link to his childhood.
Carla: He bought him eight years ago at a garage sale.
Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, well, then he's just a Nutter Butter.

Carla: Still I think I really hurt his feelings.
Elliot: Maybe you should do something nice for Rowdy. Like get him cleaned.
[later, a boy screams as Carla places Rowdy in the waiting room of a veterinary clinic:]
Carla: Your sign doesn't say live dog groomer!

J.D.: [v.o.] As doctors, we always take patients' histories, even though there usually aren't a lot of surprises.
Elliot: And, Mr. Phillips, do you exercise?
Mr. Phillips: Yoga every morning.
Elliot: Ugh, I can't do yoga, all that deep breathing. I hate breathing. Except, you know, to live. Um, do you drink?
Mr. Phillips: Occasional glass of wine with dinner.
Elliot: And any drug use?
Mr. Phillips: Been on and off heroin for the last eight years, but I've been clean for the last six months. See? Look, no track marks.
Boy: Way to go, daddy.
Mr. Phillips: He's my biggest fan.
Elliot: Heh. Um, do you smoke cigarettes?
Mr. Phillips: No way.
Elliot: Of course not. Those things'll kill ya.

Elliot: Anyway, because of the heroin use, surgery doesn't want to give Mr. Phillips a heart valve. So now an ethics committee is gonna decide if he gets the operation or not. And I'm freakin' out, because I've gotta go and argue his case at- Oh, my God! Is it already two o'clock!?
Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, relax, that's Greenland time. This way I remember to call my mom on her vacation before she goes on the boat.
Elliot: "The boat"?
Dr. Molly Clock: Yeah, she's been sleeping with a commercial salmon fisherman.
Elliot: How fun for her!

Janitor: [sees a squirrel] Hello. Wrong place, wrong time, little buddy.
[later:]
Janitor: Fellas, I'd like you all to meet Kyle. Welcome him, treat him as a brother. You'll enjoy it here. Any complaints, go to Duane. Um, what have we got on the table. Greg, may I run the meeting? Is that cool? Okay.

Elliot: Well, I guess I was a little more persuasive than I thought. You got the heart valve.
Mr. Phillips: Oh! That's amazing! We have to celebrate. How do you celebrate without heroin?
Elliot: Uh, with cake mostly.
Mr. Phillips: Then let's score some cake.

Dr. Molly Clock: Hey, did somebody page me? I'm sorry I took so long, I was just eating lunch.
Elliot: Oh, of course you were. It's 8:30 in the morning. Just wanted to let you know that the committee voted in my favor.
Dr. Molly Clock: Congratulations.
Elliot: Thank you.
Dr. Molly Clock: Well, I was congratulating Dean.
Elliot: Uh, why?
Dr. Molly Clock: He got a new heart valve.
Elliot: Oh, right. She voted against you.

J.D.: [v.o.] Elliot's comment didn't bother me, because I'm proud of the body God gave me. Besides, I had bigger problems. I had to do Mr. Daniels' procedure. Luckily, I'm a professional, and professionals finish the job.
J.D.: This needle is too sticky! I'm out! Get it together, Laverne!