J.D.: [v.o.] Man, she's beautiful. I wish I was that piece of bacon. Wait a second. I am that piece of bacon. That's right.

Elliot: What's wrong?
Carla: It's personal.
Elliot: Why won't you ever open up to me? I came to you when I thought I had a broken tailbone and it was just a really bad pimple.
Carla: It's a sex thing.
Elliot: OK? Like a gender issue or like intercourse? Because I'm book-smart on both. Carla? Use me.

Turk: Where you going? Who am I going to talk to about sex?
Todd: Let's get our talk on. Player to player.

Dr. Kelso: This patient is hypoglycaemic. What would be the most telling signs of an insulinoma, Dr. Reid?
Elliot: Elevated C-peptide levels.
Dr. Kelso: Score! But before you do your crazy end-zone dance, can you tell me the spinal fluid findings in Guillaume-Barr syndrome.
Elliot: Uh, xanthochromia?
Dr. Kelso: Wrong!
J.D.: [v.o.] And then it happened. Suddenly, Dr. Kelso didn't seem as frightening.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, what do you have to say for yourself?
Elliot: Win some, lose some.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: [v.o.] In fact, nothing he did seemed to scare us.
Dr. Kelso: Booga! Booga! Booga! Booga!
J.D.: [v.o.] Not any more. Not even the most horrible thing he could think of.
[Dr. Kelso peels of his face to reveal Carrot Top:]
Carrot Top:

Elliot: [sing-song] Talk to me. Talk to me.
Carla: You know, that's really getting annoying. In fact, every time you say it, it makes me not want to talk to you all the more.
Elliot: Talk to me.
Carla: All right, fine!

Carla: Anyway, I told him it wasn't his fault. These things happen occasionally.
Elliot: Try constantly. Um, I have cold hands, and...

Turk: She's not having an orgasm.
Todd: Still not seeing what the problem is.

Elliot: I, uh... I've never even had an orgasm.
Carla: Mmm. Oh, I'm sorry. I should be more surprised.
Elliot: That'd be nice.

J.D.: Hey, Alex, I am so sorry. I went to the restaurant but I must have just missed you. Then I called, but there was no answer, then I stopped by, and I guess you didn't see me which was odd, 'cause I was standing next to the pizza guy while you were paying him. We're still cool, right?

Carla: So, you've really never had...
Elliot: No.
Carla: Not even by yourself?
Elliot: No. Gross. Is it easy?
Carla: When's your next laundry night?