Turk: I have figured out why you're not ready to marry me yet. You think I'm too immature.
Carla: It's not about that.
Turk: Is it my sleep toots? 'cause baby, I will stop having dairy after six.

Carla: So, he just said he was gonna keep asking until I said yes.
Elliot: That is exactly how I lost my virginity. Except I'm guessing Turk didn't propose in Jim Filliseti's crawl space.

J.D.: [v.o.] I've gotta say, life is pretty good. I've hit my stride as a doctor, all my patients are doing well, and I've finally figured out that even though they're uncomfortable, my medium scrubs have a large effect on the ladies. Yep, everything's just great. For the first time since I started here, I feel like I have no stories to tell.

Dr. Cox: Anyway, I have invited a couple of my friends over to the apartment while she's gonna be gone. We're gonna have some beers, watch the game. It's going to be great. And I was wondering if you-
Dr. Gross: I'm not your friend.
Dr. Cox: They're not either.
Dr. Gross: So how's your rage going lately?
[fantasy: Dr. Cox screams]
Dr. Cox: Better.
Dr. Gross: OK. The next time you feel anger welling up in your meaty chest-
Dr. Cox: Oh, give it to me.
Dr. Gross: I want you to take a deep breath and count to ten before you react. Do you think you could do that, Perry?
Dr. Cox: For the record, I'm not a child. OK?

Doug: Dr. Cox? I just wanted to tell you... Well the thing is...
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] One, two, ten.
Dr. Cox: Finish the sentence in the next two seconds or start running. [Doug whimpers] Oh, dear God, you're actually frozen with fear. Alright, don't worry about a thing. I'm going to talk you through this. I want you to relax, take a big breath, and now... [whistles] Get outta here! Go, go, go, go, go.

J.D.: How's it going?
Woman: I just got my vertebrae fused.
J.D.: I've got nothing.
Janitor: Hey! Hold that elevator!
J.D.: I'm pressing the button. It's not working.
Janitor: Hold it! Hey! Hold it!
[The Janitor crashes into the elevator door. He quickly stands up and runs up to another floor, where the elevator doors open to reveal the woman seemingly alone in the elevator.]
Janitor: Morning, ma'am.
Woman: I can't move my head.
Janitor: So what?
J.D.: Carol, I can not thank you enough. [sniffs] Is that Bengay?

Turk: Marry me?
Carla: Still thinking.
Turk: Baby, I figured it out. This is what you're afraid of. The typical surgeon. A dumb, arrogant frat boy whose behavior is so disgusting, it is embarrassing for a woman to be seen with him. No offence, buddy.
Todd: None taken. I gotta run. They're doing a breast reduction on three. I wanna try to stop it. You know what I'm talking about. [high-fives Turk]
Carla: It's not The Todd.
Todd: It's gotta be The Todd.

Todd: Hey, Elliot. I heard you got your nursing degree in the male... nurse! What's up?!

Dr. Cox: If it isn't my favorite career counselor. You don't happen to have any more tips on how to climb down the ladder?
J.D.: I've been thinking about how you're always blaming me for everything and how you just send a constant stream of crap my way, and I decided I need a break.
Dr. Cox: So what, you came by to tell me you're a complete wuss?
J.D.: No, I came over here to tell you I traded with another resident and switched off your service for a while.
Dr. Cox: Well, tears and hugs there, Katie, but unless you wanna come inside and give the fellas a lap dance, I'm afraid I gotta say sayonara, 'cause I got 20 guys in here and it's about to get nutty. All the best, baby.
[Dr. Cox returns to his empty apartment, with a stack of pizza boxes and beer bottles, and shuts off the TV]

Doug: Uh, Dr. Cox, I was the one who switched with J.D.
Dr. Cox: Nervous Guy! How you feeling?
Doug: A little nervous.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's OK. Don't worry about a thing, 'cause I'm gonna ease you in. Here's the deal. You have exactly eight seconds to find this patient's chart or you're through.
Doug: Oh, God! Chart? Chart?
Nurse Roberts: You want me to look for it?
Dr. Cox: I got the chart right here.