David: What if you came with me to New York?
Stevie: [laughs] What?
David: Yeah.
Stevie: Are you ser- Really?
David: Mm-hmm.
Stevie: New York?!
David: Yeah.
Stevie: I don't even know what I would do there.
David: Oh, you just watch a season of "Girls" and do the opposite of what they do. It's easy.

Stevie: You have this like whole life there, with all these fancy friends. Who, in my head, at least all dress like you, and I feel like I'd get lost in the mix.
David: Mm-hmm. Well, all of my friends will probably be away for the summer and I have found a really beautiful two-bedroom in the East Village. It's beautiful, so...
Stevie: Oh, two bedroom.
David: Yeah. I mean, I was looking at three bedrooms, but do I really need an office? I don't- I don't know.
Stevie: Yeah, right.
David: You're coming! You're coming to New York! Pack a bag. Pack two bags. How many bags do you have? I'm saving you from this dumpy town. See you soon.

Andy Roberts: Excuse me, honey, do you know where I can find Johnny Rose? I got a meeting with this freakin' douche.
Roland: The douchebag is right here.

David: Well, thank you for being honest and um I wish I could fix this situation. Um, you've been a great friend.
You've been my o-only friend, so great, nevertheless. Um, you've made my life here survivable.
Stevie: Survivable. Thank-thank you. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Roland: Slow down there, pal! We got dinner coming and a big desert after-
Andy Roberts: Oh.
Roland: Sex in a pan.
Andy Roberts: Oh?
Roland: Then we'll have dessert!
Andy Roberts: I love it! This guy's a prince.

Moira: So did you try it on?
Jocelyn: What?
Moira: The coat. The one I gave you.
Jocelyn: Yes. It's- It's great.
Moira: Not too snug?
Jocelyn: Nope. Buttoned right up.
Moira: It zips.
Jocelyn: Zips. It zipped right up.

David: Okay, well, you gave me this town as a gift, so I feel like I'm owed a little bit more. So fifty percent for me, fifty percent for you.
Johnny: David, I'm in the middle of something important.
David: Well, if I'm gonna be going to New York, by myself, then I'm gonna need a little bit more money.
Johnny: Well, that's not gonna happen.
David: Well, it has to happen.
Johnny: It's not gonna happen.
David: Well, it has to-
Johnny: Talk to the hand, son, because I've got to watch a pig eat.

Moira: What did David want?
Johnny: As owner of the town, he wants half.
Moira: Everyone's so greedy.

Roland: You know what? I think I should let you guys do the nasty. And then sign the contract!

Andy Roberts: $975,000 dollars! Wow. That's a heck of a lot of cheddar! Don't you think so, sweet cheeks?
Moira: Sweet cheeks? Aren't you the old fashioned charmer.