Moira: Very dapper, Mr. Rose! Like the maestro of a Lebanese orchestra.

Jocelyn: Congratulations, Johnny, I never thought I'd see this little motel recognized for anything, besides the occasional cockroach. [laughs] I made myself laugh there.

Moira: Well, the kind of shock I'm referring to, Stevie, will not come in the form of a man.
Stevie: What is this?
Moira: Oh, just a gift that once jolted me out of my little Podunk routine.
Stevie: Me, in front of people? I am not an actor.
Moira: And neither is the lead in the play. She's simply a headstrong young woman, who's been knocked about a few times, and looking to make the most of herself.
Johnny: Did Mr. Rose put you up to this?
Moira: No, this inspired piece of stunt-casting was an idea all my own. And we can't find anyone else.

Jocelyn: It's the last day of our auditions, Moira. We might have to lower our standards if we're gonna find our lead.
Moira: Lowering your standards is a slippery slope, Jocelyn. Next thing I know you'll be telling me we'll be staging this production at the school gymnasium.

Moira: The revisions for your acceptance speech are on the vanity, dear.
Johnny: Oh, thank you, sweetheart. So how's the uh, casting hunt going?
Moira: Oh, disconsolate, John. We may be looking at putting an ad in broadwayworld.com. Perhaps there's a chorus girl on holiday, looking for a leg up.

David: I just don't get the big reveal, it's a bathroom.
Patrick: It's not just a bathroom, David, it's a passion project.
David: I'd kill to be that passionate about a bathroom that you've now decided to open up to the entire town.
Patrick: Yeah, well, we can't afford to keep a private bathroom, David, we're losing customers to the cafe. Besides, you're the one who started serving booze at those evening events.
David: Um, those evening events are part of a summer series. We sold 30 dreamcatchers at that Cosmic Meditation Clinic.

Patrick: What the f-?
David: So, I'm confused. Where does the bathroom start, and all this garbage end?
Patrick: Ronnie swore this would be done today.
Ronnie: Yep, but you ran out of tiles. It doesn't help that you picked the most expensive ones.
David: Okay, you asked for my opinion. I don't know how much Romanian marble costs!

Ronnie: I was hoping to get my hands on a few more in an hour or so, but that is TBC at this point.
Patrick: Okay, Ronnie, uh, this installation was just supposed to last two days. And now half of our store is covered in tarps, and David's organized some writers' retreat for tomorrow night.
David: It's a calligraphy workshop.
Ronnie: We're working as fast as we can, you have my cell!
David: Could you have not at least asked her to finesse the tarps? I mean, there's green tape everywhere!
Patrick: The tarps aren't staying up, David. This bathroom's getting finished today, because that's what we discussed, that's what's gonna happen.
David: Okay, it's just that you waited until after she left to put your lil' foot down, so I'm just not sure if she's aware of that plan.
Patrick: She obviously thinks we're a couple of pushovers.
David: Okay, speak for yourself. All I did was pick out some gorgeous tile.

Auditioner: I'm pregnant. That's it, that's the end of my audition.
Moira: Indeed it is.
Auditioner: I'm fine with nudity.
Jocelyn: Not necessary. Thank you.
Moira: She looks like she may have seen the inside of a smoky German bar or two. Who knows, a haircut, some dance lessons...
Jocelyn: Moira, I feel like we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. I think that we should bring Alexis in.
Moira: Jabberwocky! There are still stones left unturned!

Roland: Oh hey, Pat. What are you doing? Playing hooky, or did the store finally close?
Ronnie: Ha! I don't laugh a lot, but that was good.
Patrick: That is funny, especially considering we are open, but hey, who knows for how long? Because right now, it sorta looks like a quarantine station.
Ronnie: I'm sorry, are you implying something?
Patrick: You know, I'm just saying, uh, the bathroom's supposed to be done today, and you say you're working as fast as you can, but, uh, here I find you with Roland.
Ronnie: Okay, FYI. Roland is the hook-up for your tiles. His cousin, Arnie, gets them at cost. So I thought I would thank Roland by buying him lunch. Because that's how I do business.
Patrick: Makes sense. I was just sort of, uh, checking in.
Ronnie: I could always cancel the order, if that's how you wanna do business.
Roland: Ooh! Ouch. I would run out and get some Aloe vera pal, 'cause you just got burned.