Schitt's Creek - Moira Quote #612
Auditioner: I'm pregnant. That's it, that's the end of my audition.
Moira: Indeed it is.
Auditioner: I'm fine with nudity.
Jocelyn: Not necessary. Thank you.
Moira: She looks like she may have seen the inside of a smoky German bar or two. Who knows, a haircut, some dance lessons...
Jocelyn: Moira, I feel like we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. I think that we should bring Alexis in.
Moira: Jabberwocky! There are still stones left unturned!
Quote from Alexis
Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a huge, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.
Quote from Alexis
Jocelyn: Well, I'm sure that Alexis has a song that she could sing for the audition.
Alexis: Audition? Okay, do I have to remind you about the album that I released?
Jocelyn: Moira, what's the worst that can happen?
Moira: Besides the inevitable accusations of nepotism!
Johnny: Well, for what it's worth, Alexis, I always thought "Hampton's Hoes" was quite catchy.
Quote from Moira
Moira: So what do we think?
Jocelyn: Well, there is a place for her somewhere.
Moira: On stage?!
Jocelyn: No! Moira, I saw your talent, and I thought, well, the apple can't fall far from the tree.
Moira: Different orchard, Jocelyn. Though I do admire the confidence.
Jocelyn: What are we gonna do now?
Moira: "We?" We are at the precise intersection of which I tried to steer us clear. No, Babs Streisand's vocal coach quit the business after just two lessons with our sweet Alexis. He now lives in a monastery.
Quote from Roadkill
Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.
Quote from New Car
Moira: [in a Cockney accent] The truth is that, um, we've- We've struggled with penury for quite some time now. Well, just two years ago, we were practically 'omeless.
Car Salesman: Where are you two from?
Johnny: You know, I've been wondering that myself.
Moira: I'm from London. I was one of two identical twins. Tragically, I was snatched from my crib at birth by Russian mobsters. Mmm-hmm. They looked at my fair skin, and my dazzling eyes, and they said, "We'll make a pretty penny on that one, on the 'uman black market, we will."
Car Salesman: And what about the twin?
Moira: What's that, love?
Car Salesman: Well, if you're identical, I thought you'd both be valuable.
Johnny: Yes, wouldn't you?
Moira: She wasn't born yet. Yep, she wasn't born 'til three minutes later. And the Bratva work very quickly.
Quote from The Hike
Roland: Wow, Johnny, are you okay?
Moira: How long has this affliction been operative?
Johnny: Yeah, I felt a little tightening this morning, Moira, when I picked up that box of programs from the printer's, but I'm good.
Moira: John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!