Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a cute, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Alexis: La-la-la.
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.

Moira: Well, hello, you!
Stevie: Mrs. Rose, what are you doing here?
Moira: I thought you and I might celebrate your big award!
Stevie: Come in. Oh, thank you.
Moira: And I was made aware there was a loss, as well.
Stevie: Yeah. Turns out, someone who's been working the front desk of a motel her whole life isn't exactly a turn-on.
Moira: I was speaking of his loss. Stevie, underneath the brambly tartan blousant is a chrysalis, just bursting with potential.

Jocelyn: Well, I'm sure that Alexis has a song that she could sing for the audition.
Alexis: Audition? Okay, do I have to remind you about the album that I released?
Jocelyn: Moira, what's the worst that can happen?
Moira: Besides the inevitable accusations of nepotism!
Johnny: Well, for what it's worth, Alexis, I always thought "Hamptons Hoes" was quite catchy.
Alexis: Boop!

Moira: So what do we think?
Jocelyn: Well, there is a place for her somewhere.
Moira: On stage?!
Jocelyn: No! Moira, I saw your talent, and I thought, well, the apple can't fall far from the tree.
Moira: Different orchard, Jocelyn. Though I do admire the confidence.
Jocelyn: What are we gonna do now?
Moira: "We?" We are at the precise intersection of which I tried to steer us clear. No, Babs Streisand's vocal coach quit the business after just two lessons with our sweet Alexis. He now lives in a monastery.

Alexis: I'll step in as the star of your musical.
Moira: No! No, with your responsibilities as our in-house publicist, I couldn't ask you to do that now.
Alexis: Okay, well, you seem pretty desperate, so I'm happy to help.
Johnny: Well, Moira, I'd consider it. I mean, we did spend all that money flying in Barbra Streisand's vocal coach that summer Alexis wanted to be the next Jessica Simpson.
Moira: Alexis, a brief stint on a reality show, that's one thing, but acting? That's..?
Alexis: Um, the producers of "A Little Bit Alexis" insisted that I take acting classes after we started shooting, so...

Jocelyn: Okay, you're actively trying to prevent Alexis from auditioning here, and I don't want to get in the middle of some mother daughter competition thing...
Moira: Competition! Nothing of the sort. No, Alexis just doesn't have the life experience.
Jocelyn: Really? Because according to her stories...
Moira: Well, she's had her fair share of adventures, yes. But the role of Sally Bowles requires an actress who can mine a deeper, darker cave. A woman encumbered with secrets she will take with her to the tomb. Hence the high praise Gina Gershon and I received for the role.

Alexis: Hi, my name is Alexis Rose, represented by Alexis Rose Talent.
Jocelyn: Okay, what are you gonna be singing for us today, Alexis?
Alexis: I have chosen to perform the title track off of my critically reviewed, limited reality series, "A Little Bit Alexis."
Jocelyn: Ooh!
Alexis: Feel free to sing along if you know the words.

Roland: Hello, guys, uh whoa! Look at us! Who are we? Brad Pitt and his handsome brother? And Johnny?
Johnny: Why the jacket, Roland? You know you're not going to the awards.
Roland: Johnny, you asked me to manage the motel while you were away. I'm not gonna show up just dressed like some schlub off the street!
Stevie: Like you do every day?
Roland: Wow, okay. This one puts on a dress and suddenly she's Rita Rudner. Guys, I am really gonna miss this workplace banter.

Johnny: Oh, Stevie. You look very nice.
Stevie: No, I don't.
Johnny: Uh, yes, you do! Very spiffy! That's a lovely dress.
Stevie: I literally pulled it out of the laundry, Mr. Rose. I've had it forever.
Johnny: You know it's not a bad thing to admit you really care about these awards, Stevie. You're bringing a bag? You know, I almost brought a change of clothes myself. Moira told me to pack a second suit for the after-party, but uh, who am I, George Clooney?

Jocelyn: Hey. You're home. I was just gonna leave you that little note and a box of chocolates.
Alexis: I got the part, didn't I? Come in, come in! Ohhh Yay! Nom nom!
Jocelyn: I now see that there are different ways to interpret chocolates. Alexis, I just wanted to say...
Moira: Am I hearing Jocelyn?
Alexis: Yeah, she's come to tell me the good news!
Moira: Oh, did she? Chocolates? Are we celebrating, Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: The chocolates were a mistake.