Johnny: You know what, Roland, I think I'm gonna ask you to leave. Because Moira's coming out soon and I really don't want to-
Roland: Tempt fate twice. I got it.
Johnny: No, no. I don't think you do got it. And not to put too fine a point on it, Roland, but my wife would never go out for a burger when she has a strong penchant for steak. Good night, Roland.

Johnny: Don't worry it's only me.
Moira: Ha ha, very droll, Mr. Rose.
Johnny: Thought I'd announce myself just in case you were expecting somebody else.
Moira: Is living with that blackout not punishment enough?
Johnny: You know I meant to ask, Moira, what were the amenities like in that hotel room? High-pressured water, down pillows?
Moira: I'll never know. I had my one chance at a proletarian oasis and I squandered it, passed out on Roland's bed.

David: So what's gonna happen now? Is there gonna be like a custody battle over us?
Johnny: David, stop.
Alexis: Are we gonna have to, like, spend weekends over at Roland's now, or?
Moira: Goodnight, Alexis.
David: Do we call him uncle Roland?
Johnny: All right, that is enough, David.

Alexis: No. I mean, I get it, Roland is the mayor, and it's very difficult to work with someone who you're attracted to.
David: Yeah. Like you and Ted.
Alexis: No! I'm making fun of mom and dad right now, David.
Johnny: And we're done. Back to your room.
David: Um, I just want you to know that no matter what anyone says, you will always be our first dad.

Alexis: You slept with Roland?
Johnny: No, she- She didn't. She found herself in his bed.
David: Mom slept with Roland?
Alexis: Yes. Apparently.
Moira: I will not be tried and condemned by the likes of you two.

Moira: John, do you have the car keys?
Johnny: Do I have the car keys? No. No. But according to the sign-out sheet, I was the last person to use the car.
Moira: Well, that's not very helpful, John. You're the only one using the sign-out sheet.
Johnny: Well, that's not true. Stevie's got her name on the sheet. Wait a minute, why is Stevie's name on the sheet? She's got her own car.

Roland: Oh, hey, Moira, look over there. You see that guy over there? The well dressed one? That's Gavin Mccrae. Mayor of Thornbridge.
Moira: Hm. You mean the one serving drinks to the other people?
Roland: Okay. Maybe he's the other guy over there. Also very well dressed.
Moira: Well, now you've identified the catering staff.

David: Why are you here?
Alexis: You know what I think would be really cute is if I had my own little label, like, under your label.
David: Yeah?
Alexis: And I can sell festival wear, and I can sell like hair feathers and body jewellery, David.

Patrick: Wow, things are really coming together in here.
Alexis: Oh, um, we're actually not open yet. But that's so sweet. Thank you. We've been working very hard.
Patrick: Well, I'm actually not here to shop. I'm- I'm Patrick. I'm just dropping off David's business license.
Alexis: Oh, isn't that just the cutest thing. Um, David's in the back. But I am Alexis, and I'm currently studding business. And I'm David's sister and life coach so...
Patrick: Well, it's great to meet you, Alexis.
Alexis: Uh, I'm sorry if my hands are too soft. I've just been sampling a lot of product. So really soft.
Patrick: They are.

Reporter: Excuse me, Mrs. Rose, if I may, just a couple of questions. Were you surprised to secure such a big funding boost for the municipalities? That was quite the speech.
Moira: Oh, thank you. Thank you. [laughs] What did I do? Well, I was simply channelled someone who cares, but if you insist on referring to me as the linchpin. I'll take that.
Roland: That's right. We're- We're just a couple linchpins here. I'm Roland Schitt, Moira's boss.
Moira: Yes, I'll I'm the ingenue here. A total babe in the political woods.
Roland: That's true. You know, this is her first RAMC. But I think under my wing, she's- She's learning to fly. I've been mayor for ten years-
Reporter: Thank you.
Roland: And I did- Okay, we'll talk when you have more time...