Johnny: Roland, I owe you big.
Roland: Well, um, one day, and that day may never come, I may call upon you to perform a function.
Johnny: Marlon Brando.
Roland: Yes, but from what movie?
Johnny: The Godfather.
Roland: No, it's the one where he's the big mafia guy.
Johnny: The Godfather!
Roland: Hold on a second, I'll think of it.

Moira: It's for me! Thinking of you! "Dear M., hope this helps, I only wish I could do more, xoxo, J.S.P." Justine St. Pierre! David, one of my dear friends is finally reaching out, and you know what, I knew it would be Justine. She can be an angry drunk, but we were always close.
David: "Congratulations on your Allez Vous Starter Kit."
Moira: That frigid whore!
David: What's Allez Vous?
Moira: It's a scam, it's her stupid cosmetics company! It's a pyramid scheme for desperate housewives and struggling actors!

Justine St. Pierre: [on video] Bonjour! Now that you've opened your Allez Vous starter kit, let's begin with those essential tips and tricks you'll need to make up to 600,000 dollars a year. That's 50,000 a month/ That's 7,000 dollars a week.
Moira: No, it isn't! She didn't finish high school.

David: Well, how much can we make from this?
Moira: David, it's an insult, we're sending it back.
David: Well, apparently you can win an Audi.
Moira: What colour?
David: A Champagne Audi, look at that.
Moira: As if you could ever sell enough of this crap to get a car.
David: Well, Kristi Stubbs and her team out of Montreal have sold enough to get the car, so don't believe everything you read, dear, please.
Moira: Burn it! Except this mascara.

Johnny: So Ray can't lend me his car today, because he has to drive his 92-year-old mother somewhere. Where does a 92-year-old woman need to go?!
Moira: I don't know, John, perhaps the hospital?

Johnny: Yeah, well, it's just I needed that car to get to my appointment today.
Moira: What appointment?
Johnny: Well, you know, the, uh, thing that I had, I had a thing that I-
Moira: What thing?
Johnny: An unemployment thing, okay? To get unemployment insurance, I have the meeting this afternoon, and now I have to grovel to Roland, to get his truck, in order to get to Elmdale, to get this money.
Moira: Well, I think you're brave. And while I didn't see us living off of food stamps, I think there is something very masculine about the way you're taking control of this situation.
Johnny: Sweetheart, I'm about to beg for a truck, in order to beg for money, I think you've gotta raise that masculinity bar just just a little.

Johnny: Hi!
Roland: Can't hear you.
Johnny: Hey, turn the motor off!
Roland: I can't hear you, the motor's on!
Johnny: Turn the motor off! Turn the motor off, you [motor stops] dumb son of a-
Roland: Well, what can I do for you, you "dumb son of a"?

Mutt: He always has been. I feel bad thinking about all those times I pinned him against a locker.
Alexis: You pinned somebody against a locker?!
Mutt: Well, I was a different person then, a lot changed since after high school.
Alexis: So what did he do to make you such a teenage cliche?
Mutt: He always said hi when he passed me in the halls, and for some reason, it bugged me.
Alexis: Yeah, I can see that.

Mutt: So he's bugging you.
Alexis: What? No! Oh, my God, no!
Mutt: Oh yes.
Alexis: No, I'm just saying, generally speaking, when you order breakfast and they give you the wrong order, send it back and get the right order.
Mutt: I never return food, I think that's so rude.

Roland: So, where in Elmdale am I taking you?
Johnny: Oh, just the general downtown area will be fine.
Roland: Okay, don't wanna tell me where we're going, interesting.
Johnny: It's, uh, just just a business meeting, just I've gotta meet a guy.
Roland: Uh huh. What guy?
Johnny: A financial guy. It's a financial matter.
Roland: Well, Johnny, it's gonna be awfully hard for me to get you to this meeting if I don't know where we're going. I mean, why is this such a big secret?
Johnny: It's not a big secret. It's not a big secret, Roland. And you're only doing 25, if we could pick it up a little.
Roland: Oh, my God, now you're in such a hurry. What's the big rush here? I don't get that, either.
Johnny: The office closes at four o'clock, that's all.
Roland: What office are you talking about?
Johnny: The financial guy that I'm seeing, his office.
Roland: What financial guy?
Johnny: The guy I'm doing business with, I told you.
Roland: Where are we going?!
Johnny: The unemployment office! Okay? I'm applying for unemployment.
Roland: Jeez pal, your business is your business. I don't know why you're telling me.