Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, we need to counter every charge that Chris has leveled against me. Andy, I need evidence.
Andy: Got it!
Leslie Knope: Wait! You don't know what evidence.
Andy: Ah, right on. Yes. Hit me.
Leslie Knope: Next to my desk is a picture of a female politician, Bella Abzug. Get the key that's taped to the back of that picture. It opens up my bottom desk drawer in there are some files. Pay attention. Where are you looking? Look here, focus here. Get the files in the drawer, and then get all the file boxes in the office.
Andy: Put the files in the drawer. Let's go.
Leslie Knope: No.
April: Okay, I'll go with him.

Leslie Knope: Ron, Chris has 14 witnesses. I need you to talk to all the department heads and find out who's gonna testify.
Ron Swanson: I don't know the names of the other department heads.
Donna: I'll go with him. Seriously? With the men in this office?

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Oh, George Williams? He's just a maintenance worker, NASCAR enthusiast, I believe. And, oh, interesting tidbit, I once bribed him to keep my relationship with Ben quiet.

Chris: You're saying that you saw Ben Wyatt and Leslie Knope kissing at Li'l Sebastian's memorial?
George: Yeah!
Chris: Can you identify Leslie Knope in this chamber?
George: [turns around] She's right there.
Leslie Knope: [turns around] Right...

George: And then they gave me a $50 gift certificate to a spa and said... And thank you for your discretion.
Chris: And did you use it?
George: Yeah. I got a facial. My wife said my skin was luminous.
Chris: That's enough. Now, in order to cover up their illicit affair, Ben Wyatt and Leslie Knope bribed a city employee.
Leslie Knope: George, I notice that you're wearing glasses, yet on the day in question, I don't recall you wearing glasses. Could it be because you weren't wearing glasses?
George: I never wear 'em on the job.
Leslie Knope: Can you take your glasses off, please, and read this for us?
George: "I could read this if I weren't so blind."
Leslie Knope: Well, that went terribly. I need to check some facts and figures. I would like to request a 55-day recess.
Allenbach: You can have 30 minutes, but we're nearing the end here, Ms. Knope.

Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, my only hope is that in one of these old books, there's some weird, arcane statute or government rule that helps me. So everybody grab a volume, and let's just read up.
Andy: Okay, mine doesn't have any pictures.

Leslie Knope: This mural is called Bad Pawnee, Good Pawnee. All the terrible things that have happened in this town's history are on one side. And on the other side are all the good things that have happened. I'm on the bad side.
Ron Swanson: No, you're not.
Leslie Knope: Yes, I am, Ron. I'm guilty. I did something bad. I'm a bad person.
Ron Swanson: It's not that simple. You know what makes a good person good? When a good person does something bad, they own up to it. They try to learn something from it, and they move on.

Leslie Knope: Guys, everybody stop reading. No more loopholes, no more fighting.
Andy: Are you sure, boss?
Leslie Knope: Yeah. I know I let you down. And I just want to say I'm really sorry.
Ann: Leslie, what are you talking about?
April: Yeah, this makes me like you more.
Tom: Bribing someone to hide a sexcapade? I'm proud to call you a friend.
Andy: And I always liked you.

Leslie Knope: I thought I was gonna get fired. I should've gotten fired. Why didn't I get fired?
Chris: Ben asked for a private meeting with the committee, and he took full responsibility for the bribe and resigned, effective immediately.
Leslie Knope: What? Wait. Hang on. You can't let him resign.
Chris: I tried to talk him out of it, but... His mind was made up. Look, my job is to protect the government from fraud and corruption. I was just doing my job. I hope that you can understand that.
Leslie Knope: I do. Honestly, I do.
Chris: 'Cause your actions wounded me to my core, which is not easy since the bulk of my workouts are focused on core strengthening. But we will get through this. You are... An excellent government employee. And more importantly, you're the only person I've ever met who's worthy of being Ben's girlfriend.
Leslie Knope: I hope that's true.
Chris: You know, the meeting that Ben and I had, it's on the record. You should take a look at the last page of the transcript.