Leslie Knope: I was hoping to speak with Ron alone.
Tammy One: He wants me here. He invited me. Na-na-na-na-na.
Ron Swanson: Don't worry, Leslie. Tammy's totally cool.
Leslie Knope: Huh, okay. Then I'll say it to her. You're evil, and you need to go. [both chuckle]
Ron Swanson: Leslie, you are a panic. Tammy, may I use the restroom?
Tammy One: Remember to wash your hands.

Leslie Knope: Okay, you know what? Let's cut the crap. Is this audit even real?
Tammy One: In a sense, yes. But in another, truer sense, no, it is not. I want Ronald back, but I had to learn about his finances, to make sure my future was protected. I'm impressed. He's acquired quite a bit of gold.
Leslie Knope: You gold digger. You're literally a gold digger.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: The thing I love about Tammy is she calls me on my crap. Every guy needs that.

Ben: Okay, if you want this company to survive, you immediately need to downsize. I mean, you don't need this airplane hangar um, I think we do.
Jean-Ralphio: And two, you have to keep detailed financial records.
Roy Hibbert: Thank you! I've been trying to tell them that!
Detlef Schrempf: Waste of time. They wouldn't know a non-employee tax-reportable expenditure request if it bit them in the ass.
Tom: Hey guys, which two people here started their own company? 'Cause I'm pretty sure it wasn't you two bozos.

Chris: Diabetes! Fight it! Not quite, but I like the energy. Are we still rolling?
Ann: Yup.
Chris: Diabetes!
Ann: Okay, let's- Can we take a break?
Chris: I think that's a great idea. I think we almost have it, and I am very excited at that prospect. I'll cancel my four o'clock and my five o'clock and my six o'clock appointments.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I cannot believe I dated him. For a long time. And he broke up with me!
Chris: Fat equals splat! As in, "you're dead!" Is there something there? No--no. That--that sucked. But there's something there. I'm feeling it-- let's go right away! It's magic time! From the top, everybody.
Ann: There's no one else here.

Ron Swanson: What's going on?
Leslie Knope: Welcome to the Battle Royale. Right here. Right now. Operation "Soaring Falcon" is in its final stages.
Tammy Zero: It's time to settle this.
Tammy One: Ah. An old-fashioned prairie drink-off.
April: Ugh, what's in that jug? It smells like jet fuel.
Ron Swanson: That's Swanson family mash liquor. Made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. Its only legal use is to strip varnish off of speedboats.
Tammy Zero: If you win, he's all yours. And if I win, I bring him back to the farm for good.
Leslie Knope: Wait, what? That wasn't the deal.

Ann: How were we together for five months?
John: Well, you know, it's possible you can just date a guy because of where you are in your life emotionally.
Ann: Yeah, I suppose you're right, John.
Chris: Ann Perkins, I hate to say this, but I have a stain on my shirt. Which means that everything we shot so far is unusable, but let's use this as an opportunity to revisit the script. Delivery guy.
John: Hey.
Chris: Diabetes!

Tammy Zero: Had enough?
Tammy One: Of this watered-down baby formula? Not even close.
Leslie Knope: Not meven clarse. Marvin clods. Glenn Close.
Ron Swanson: Leslie, you don't have to do this...
Leslie Knope: Shh! Go to bed, Jimmy. Wrah!
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I can't feel my face. My face is numb.

Chris: And together, we can make a difference. That's it. I think we got it. Do you think we got it?
Ann: Yes! Yeah, we have it. We had it seven hours ago.
Chris: Oh, Ann, I- I know that I can be intense, but I'm only trying to be the best me that I can be. I want to thank you for this opportunity and your patience, and your intelligence, and your insight. You really are an amazing human being.
Ann: Thank you.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Oh, right. That's why I dated him.

Tom: I wanted to apologize. We brought in five accountants to look at e720 and they all said the same thing you did. If we don't start making changes, we're gonna lose the company.
Ben: Okay. Well, first thing you need to do: Get rid of four of those accountants. You don't need five accountants.
Tom: Again, good advice.
Tom: Here.
Ben: You really- You need to stop giving these away like candy.
Tom: I bought that one personally. As a thank-you. It's an iPad.

Leslie Knope: [sings] Everybody prance, now! Prance, prance, prance, prance, prance, prance
Ron Swanson: She's had enough. Call it off.
Tammy One: That's not how it works. She's out.