Ben: All right, let's go over our set list.
Tom: Set list? No need.
Ben: So, what, you're just gonna put your iPod on shuffle?
Tom: No, but I could. You want to know why?
Ben: [sighs] Because every single song you own is a banger?
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: Is it a banger? How many beats per minute? How many drops? How dope are the drops? Were any acoustic instruments used? If so, it is not a banger. I once accidentally downloaded a Lumineers song. I had to throw away my whole computer just to be safe.

Ron Swanson: Allison's father owns the hardware store I've been going to since before Allison was even born. What brings you to the festering putrid stink hole on the armpit of freedom?
Allison: Um, Leslie was just telling me about your summer internship, and I was thinking about taking it.
Ron Swanson: [laughs] Oh, no, no, no, no. No. I respect your father too much to let his daughter work for free for the government. Why don't you get a paying job for the summer?
Leslie Knope: Why don't you shut your mustache?

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I attended prom with Susan Hofler. Picked her up in my truck, we slow-danced to a Merle Haggard song, and then I left early to go to my shift at the quarry. I was 12 years old. Never went again. Felt like I had outgrown it.

Tom: [aside to camera] I was actually only at my prom for 15 minutes. By the time I got my Armani suit pressed and got the little dimple on my tie just right, it was 11:45 P.M. My date was pretty pissed, but, uh, I looked fly as hell.

Ben: What's happening? I can't hear! And I'm dying!
Leslie Knope: Baby, relax. I just wanted to surprise you. Open the bottom drawer and read the cake.
Ben: "Will you go to prom with me?" Well, this just keeps getting weirder.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Because of the merger, schools have had to make some cuts, and the first thing to go was the senior prom. So as a last-minute hail Mary, the parks department is throwing prom for them. They also wanted to cut A.P. Latin, so I volunteered to teach Latin. Which reminds me, I need to learn Latin.

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I have tolerated Leslie's pro-government ways because her annoying kindness and generosity sneakily made me like her as a person. But I draw the line at corrupting America's youth. I'm sure I can get Allison a job at Tim Hautner's sawmill. I once did him a favor. I built his sawmill.

Allison: Leslie, I told you. I don't know what I'm doing this summer.
Leslie Knope: That's okay. I know what you're doing. You're gonna take this internship. You're gonna fall in love with public service. You're gonna rise through the ranks. You'll take over Ron's job as parks director. You'll win a seat in congress, and then you and I will run against each other as president, but right before we find out who won, I'm gonna pat you on the back and say, "It's your turn, kid."
Ron Swanson: Sorry, children. Forget this happened. Continue with your awkward close-quarters gyrating.
Leslie Knope: And if this is the evening you decide to have sex, use protection, please!

Leslie Knope: All right, Allison, you are in charge of choosing the prom theme, and now it has to be perfect and magical and look like a million bucks but cost zero bucks. So what do you got?
Allison: I was thinking the theme could be "Fairy tale." The theater department did Into the Woods last year, and we still have the scenery. I laid out some preliminary plans in this binder.
Leslie Knope: Wow! Are those jense-trodder color tabs? I thought those were discontinued.
Allison: They were. I had to order them through some Mexican back channels.
Leslie Knope: Juan Julio Oficina Supplies? I thought they went out of business.
Allison: They did, but they opened up a new one in Oaxaca.
Ben: What is happening right now?
Leslie Knope: Okay, everybody get back to work. And, Allison, come by my office later so we can keep crushing it

Leslie Knope: [high-pitched] I know what you're doing, Ron, and I will defeat you. Mark my words.
Ron Swanson: Stop wasting helium. It is intended for welding and filling air ships.

April: Well, we did it. We went to prom. Yay! Let's go now.
Andy: No! What? Are you kidding? This is awesome. Look around. The bloom of youth. Like flowers on the sunset of an eagle's poetry.
April: Andy, I hate teenagers.
Andy: If you give this a chance, you're gonna love it, I promise. It's like the movie Expendables 2. First time, hated it. Second time, hated it. Third time, it was okay. But then the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, tenth time I watched it, I realized something. It's just... It's not good. It's not a good movie.