Ann: Ron is making the model, and then we're going to put all of our candy decorations in our corners of the office. Okay, so what did everybody make?
Andy: Boom! Rock n' roll candy Andy. Wow.
Ron Swanson: That's really good, son. I didn't do anything for my office.
April: It's okay, I took care of it. I made a marshmallow Ron Swanson. [all laugh] See? His arms are crossed because he's mad at all the other marshmallow workers for annoying him. You like it?
Ron Swanson: [choked up] It's fine.

Dennis Feinstein: Ben Wyatt.
Ben: Hi.
Dennis Feinstein: Great to meet you.
Ben: You too.
Dennis Feinstein: I'm, uh, this.
Ben: Well, thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Feinstein.
Dennis Feinstein: Please, call me Dennis Feinstein.

Dennis Feinstein: I'm gonna cut right to the chase, Ben. This cologne company is my life's work. Why should I trust you with my perfumery?
Ben: Well, uh, I've been in government accounting for more than a decade, and I just think it's time for a change.
Dennis Feinstein: Listen, Ben, I'm gonna cut right to the chase, okay? I like you-- I've always liked you-- but I also like Eddie.
Ben: Ed--who--who's Eddie?
Dennis Feinstein: [snaps fingers] Eddie's my current CFO, but I might fire him and hire you. You got kids?
Ben: No.
Dennis Feinstein: That's good. Dum-dum Eddie has two kids. [blows raspberry]
Ben: Oh, God. Don't fire Eddie. Why would you have him in here in this interview? Eddie, I am sorry--
Dennis Feinstein: Don't talk to Eddie. Treat him like you would treat a person in another country that you paid $25,000 to hunt.
Ben: What are you talking about?
Dennis Feinstein: What am I talking about? I'm talking about the best vacation of my life.
Ben: Oh, my God. Look, I'm sorry. I-I thought I wanted to branch out a little career-wise, but that was a mistake. Keep Eddie. I do not want this job.
Dennis Feinstein: [laughs] You're crazy, man. We'll be in touch.

Leslie Knope: Okay, we have made some waves here, people, but we need to keep this momentum going. Now, the city manager's name is Chris Traeger. I want to take this fight to him.
Diane: Ooh, a letter-writing campaign!
Leslie Knope: God, Diane, will you stop it with the letter-writing campaign? No. I have his office number. I want one of you calling it every 15 minutes. We are also going to protest along his jogging route, and I need someone in every GNC within a five-mile radius of the city center.
Jeannie: But there are only 12 of us.
Woman: 13.
Leslie Knope: Look! Our numbers are growing! There's nothing we can't do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk all other responsibilities in our lives. You with me? [cheers and applause]

Ron Swanson: [groan] I can handcraft 17-foot canoes out of western red cedar, but I can't glue two damn Graham Crackers together!
Andy: Look, it's really easy. I know a lot about candy. I play with it, I eat it. Sometimes I play with it and eat it. Boom! [giggles]

Kim: Your 11:00 is here.
Leslie Knope: Concerned citizen and community leader Leslie Knope. Nice to meet you.
Chris: Hi, Leslie. You're not supposed to be here.
Leslie Knope: As a government employee, that's true, but I am just here as a concerned citizen and founder of PCP. The Parks Committee of Pawnee.
Chris: Those are the people that have been harassing me.
Leslie Knope: We have many demands. Specifically, these six unfunded projects that need to be dealt with immediately.
Chris: Well--
Leslie Knope: Not good enough!
Chris: Leslie, out of respect for you, I will meet with your group, but I hope that this puts an end to the madness.
Leslie Knope: Prepare for battle. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got your Christmas present. It's like a little stopwatch that records your jogging times and then sends it to your computer via Bluetooth.
Chris: Ah! [laughs] That is so thoughtful!
Leslie Knope: Aww. My pleasure. See you in hell!

William Barnes: It's very hard to come back from this kind of thing. You know, a sex scandal with your boss.
Leslie Knope: Oh, like you're so pure and chaste. Please, I know the two of you are sleeping together. It's obvious, with all your glances and your sly smiles.
Elizabeth: I'm gay.
Leslie Knope: Well, never mind then.

Ann: Could you maybe find new advisors?
Leslie Knope: I can't. I talked to everyone in the entire state who's ever run a campaign. Nobody wants a candidate who's polling at "last milkshake sip" levels.
Ann: Can I say something? This sucks, I am not gonna convince you that it doesn't, and you can tell me every day for the next year about how much this sucks.
Leslie Knope: One year? You said one year. That's on the record.
Ann: And I meant it.

Leslie Knope: Hey, what are you doing here?
Ben: Hey. Uh, I just wanted to tell you something in person.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God, I'm pregnant. Wait, what? No, that's not it.

Ben: I turned down that accounting job. Just didn't feel right. That's okay, right?
Leslie Knope: Yeah. I think that's great. I'm really proud of you.
Ben: Yeah?
Leslie Knope: What are you gonna do instead?
Ben: I have no idea.
Leslie Knope: I like it.