Nick: Of course we make decisions. How do you think I'm wearing clothes right now?
Schmidt: I laid those out for you, Nick.
Nick: But I decided to let you.

Reagan: This is your whole problem. Imagine how much better your life would be if you could just make a decision.
Winston: She's just mad because she had a bunch of dumb brunch ideas, you damn fool. [Winston & Nick laugh]
Reagan: Okay. Uh, well, what about this? I will sleep with one of you tonight if you can just decide who.

Winston: This isn't real, right?
Nick: It can't be. [laughs] I mean... I mean, it can't be.
Winston: Why would it be?
Nick: But on the off chance that it is, we need to take this extremely seriously.

Winston: Okay, okay. Well, what do you suggest?
Nick: We do a gentlemen's debate.
Winston: A gentlemen's debate.
Nick: We calmly discuss who merits this opportunity and we come to a decision based off respect and politeness.
Winston: I agree. So... please proceed, sir.
Nick: Thank you, sir.
Winston: You're welcome, sir.

Nick: The gentleman knows that I have a monster crush on Reagan. But because this is such a powerful argument in my favor, I politely take it off the table.
Winston: In that case, the gentleman politely... thanks you.
Nick: Hmm. The gentleman was sure that the other gentleman would not be such a jerk and let his friend's
dreams come true. Perhaps I'm not dealing with a gentleman at all. Perhaps I'm dealing with a dingus.
Winston: Did you call me a dingus?
Nick: You're acting like a dingus.
Winston: How can I be a dingus when you're the damn dingus?

Reagan: Hey. Hey. Looking forward to sex later.
Winston: Well, that makes three of... That makes two of us.
Nick: Well, get ready for the skin circus, you little peanut.
Reagan: Okay. [exits]
Winston: Whoa.
Nick: I was put in an awkward situation, and I reacted poorly.
Winston: Oh, whoa.

Winston: [v.o.] You knew I had a crush on Cindy De La Garza, and you Frenched her anyway.
[flashback to a school dance:]
Young Winston: [gasps] Frenching! They're Frenching! They're Fren... Hey, chaperone! They're Frenching! Aah!
[present:]
Winston: I had dibs on her since the fifth grade, dude!
Nick: If I could un-French her, I would.
Winston: You owe me this.
Nick: I knew that French was gonna haunt me. You called dibs... and I screwed up.
Winston: What you gonna say? What you gonna say?
Nick: It's you.
Winston: Oh, yes. Man, that girl better get ready for some kind, attentive lovemaking.

Winston: You know, this woman requested my A-game. My A-game. Maybe it's hopeless that I could even please this woman sexually. What am I thinking, Winston? Just focus on yourself. Concentrate on yourself sexually, Winston. No, Winston, that is not your way.
Aly: I just want to head off any discussion of what your way is.
Winston: I'm so sorry. I'm just feeling a little insecure about my body and the way it is connected to my face.
Aly: Bishop... [sighs] you have nothing to worry about.
Winston: Really?
Aly: Yeah.
Winston: Okay. What's my best feature?
Aly: Instant regret. Instant. The second I said it, I was like...
Winston: If you had to pick.
Aly: Fine. You have very nice... That's our suspect. He's taking off!
Winston: What? Okay. [siren wailing] Okay, I'll let you take point on this one, because I got to protect my duke for later.
Aly: Oh, you suck so much.

Cece: Has that park always been a pet cemetery or were just crazy people burying a dog there?

Winston: What were you gonna say?
Aly: What is that in reference to? It's been silent for 30 minutes.
Winston: Earlier, you were gonna tell me what my best feature was, and then we got distracted.
Aly: Right. By crime.
Winston: I could tell you what yours is.
Aly: Oh, my God, please don't.
Winston: You have a lovely neck.
Aly: Really? Mm-hmm. Not my knuckles or, like, the skin behind my ears?