Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those- those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.

Nick: Don't mean to interrupt, I just hear you're the best teacher of adults?
Jess: Oh, no.
Nick: I wonder if there's room for one more?
Jess: No!
Nick: How you guys doing? I'm Julius Pepperwood.
Jess: Not now, okay?
Nick: I'm an ex-cop, ex-Marine. I'm here to learn how to write short fiction.
Jess: Oh, okay, Julius, just... take a seat and, um, keep small.
Nick: I'm from Chicago. Thin-crust pizza? No, thank you. I'm from Chicago.

Robby: Oh, man. It's a really cool group, and we have our own motto.
Robby & Jess: "I'm single and I'm sufficient."
Schmidt: That's I-S-I-S. That's ISIS.
Cece: Th-that's ISIS.
Robby: Oh, my God.
Cece: You're asking people to join ISIS.
Robby: No, n-n-n-n-n-n-no.
Jess: As communication czar I should have caught that.

Jess: Actually, I'm gonna go with my group. We rented a van. It has a built-in microwave. We're all really stoked about it.
Schmidt: You're not making me feel any better about this group of strangers.
Jess: Well, it's not all strangers.
Robby: [enters] Some of them are friends! [laughing]
Cece: Robby?
Schmidt: My Robby?
Robby: Yeah. I got here way too early, so I've just been standing outside, kind of waiting for my opportunity to enter. How'd I do?

Schmidt: I am so excited about this glamping trip. Sleeping bags are for hobos and children.