Aly: Oh, I'm so nervous to meet your mom. I'm bad with women and family. I wish she was a male stranger.

Nick: What are you guys doing here?
Schmidt: Rude.
Cece: What are we doing here?
Nick: Yeah, what are you doing here? Why are you here?
Cece: What, just because we moved, we have to justify our presence here?
Nick: Well, you don't live here, so...

Schmidt: We do not need this. If anything, you-you people need us. We are married homeowners. Benefit from our wisdom.
Winston: Okay! I got to go. Aly and I have an invited guest to plan for.
Schmidt: Oh.
Nick: Good burn, Winston. You're getting better at those.
Winston: Thanks, man!

Reagan: So what are you guys doing here?
Cece: Never. Never.
Schmidt: Okay.
Cece: Never in my entire life. Never.
Schmidt: My blood built this loft.

Cece: Mother-in-law troubles, huh? Second mom drahm?
Aly: Hey, seriously, why are you still here?
Schmidt: That's your most pressing question right now? Not why did I sign up for this ill-advised talk radio alternative reality?
Winston: Guys, we're trying to prep, okay? So if you're gonna be in our home, please, step back from the mic. That's radio lingo for when someone's on the microphone and you don't want them to be; you say, "Step away from..."
Aly: I got it.

Charmaine: Baby! You are a radio personality! You just can't leave your front door open for any ol' Menendez brothers to walk into.
Winston: Ooh...! [Charmaine chuckles] This is Aly.
Aly: Hey!
Charmaine: Long time listener, first time visitor.
Aly: Oh. [Charmaine chuckles] Radio. She referenced radio.

Winston: Uh, yeah, Mom, you know, we talk about work all day long, so...
Charmaine: Well, it's not work when it's with your girl. Now, Aly, tell me, do you two ever sing the call letters
to each other to fall asleep?
Aly: Mm-Mm-hmm. Yep. [sings] KQWP...
Charmaine: [to Schmidt and Cece] Oh, I thought you two moved.

Nick: Ah, I'm not a talker. Talking's not my thing.
Reagan: Great. This is why we work. 'Cause we're not like Schmidt and Cece. We don't have to write each other a love poem every time I go into the other room.
Nick: Oh, pass.

Aly: Babe, how will I ever break through to your mom if I keep lying to her? This is crazy.
Winston: That's on me, too.
Aly: I know it's on you. You're the only person it could be on.
Winston: And that is my bad.
Aly: I know it's your bad.

Aly: OG price, $350.98.
Charmaine: Uh-huh.
Aly: BB Taxx price, $72.99
Charmaine: Ooh.
Aly: $72.99! And someone didn't limit their price match to California.
Charmaine: Arkansas prices, y'all.
Aly: What do you say we get back in our cubbies and keep this fashion show going.
Charmaine: Okay.
Winston: I don't know why I'm just putting this together, but you two are very cheap.
Aly: You don't know what you're talking about.
Charmaine: You're about to feel my cheap purse on your temple.
Aly: You do not know.
Winston: Easy now.