Winston: Look at that, look at that, look at that. My mom always said I was a late bloomer. Wait till she sees this mustache! Bam!
Schmidt: That's not a shadow?
Winston: What?
Schmidt: 'Cause your nose makes a shadow right over your... Oh, now it is a mustache. You look adorable.

Winston: What's your name?
Older Nick: I'm Nick.
Jess: Nick's name is Nick! Nick, meet Nick.
Nick: Hi, Nick.
Jess: You guys even look alike. Look at that turtle face.
Andy: Nick, want these kegs behind the bar?
Nick: Yes.
Older Nick: Yes.
Nick: He was talking to me.
Older Nick: He was talking to you.

Schmidt: Oh, hey, Winston, you know, you can just have the hummus in there, okay? It's giving me the toots.
Alisha: Hey, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Hey, Alisha. You look great. Wow.
Alisha: Thanks.
Schmidt: It's like they stretched the ugly out of Winston.
Alisha: Hmm.
Schmidt: How's the hoops?
Alisha: Good, it's good.
Schmidt: Yeah? Very impressive, pro ball. I mean, women's pro, but still. Swoosh.

Andy: Um, oh, it was nice to meet you, Jess.
Jess: Nice meeting you, too.
Bearclaw: And, Jess, you met me.
Jess: Nice to meet you both. Hey, Nick, I know what I'm gonna do with all my free time. Him.
Nick: You like him?
Jess: Mother, may I? Can you give him my phone number?
Nick: Yeah, absolutely. [Jess purrs]

Jess: What was the band that we...? I know...
Sam: I'm in. I've been to 48 Creed shows, so...
Jess: Forty-two.
Sam: No way!
Jess: Way!
Sam: Are you serious? Wow!
Jess: Way to go, Cupid Match.

Jess: Hey, can I talk to you guys?
Schmidt: What's up, baby?
Jess: Don't call me baby. Seriously, stop.
Schmidt: Come on, spill. [winks]
Jess: Don't wink at me.
Schmidt: What?

Jess: Hey, Sam. These are my roommates.
Sam: Hey.
Nick: Hey, uh, Katie, we're running late for dance rehearsal.
Jess: Yes. Oh.
Nick: We're wondering if we're doing leg warmers today...
Jess: Leg warmers.
Schmidt: Oh, we are. Leg warmers?
Sam: You guys are dancers, too?
Nick: Yeah, I mean, mostly Katie, Yes, yes. But yeah.

Schmidt: What, do we not look like dancers?
Sam: No, I mean...
Schmidt: This one's a leaper.
Nick: No, I knew he was gonna go there.
Jess: You're a leaper. You are.
Schmidt: Yep. He is. They call him, uh, Cricket.
Jess: Yeah, Cricket the leaper.
Sam: Let me see you leap.
Schmidt: Cricket, show him how you leap.
Sam: I'd love to see you leap.
Schmidt: Don't get self-conscious now. You've got this. You've got it.
Jess: You're really getting a show here, 'cause he normally doesn't do this for a private audience. Do the tribal stuff.

Sam: All right, you know what? I'm gonna go to a couple brunches, maybe take a nap, rehydrate. Come here.
[Jess leaps into Sam's arms and they kiss]
Nick: This is so normal. This isn't upsetting at all.

Winston: [whistles] Didn't know this was a butter knife type of place.
Charmaine: Don't worry, the team's paying. If anybody asks, you're the ball boy.