Nick: I can't see anything in here, but... here goes nothing. [phone ringing] In ten hours, I'll be dead. I'm headed straight to the sun, which is actually a star. But it's our star. And it's worth saving.
Aly: [on video call] Nick?
Nick: Anyway... here's my penis.
Aly: Oh! [screams] Nick, put it... Nick, what are you doing?
Nick: [yelling] No! No!
Aly: Where's Winston?
Nick: This is my nightmare! [Aly screams]
Winston: Face your fears, Nick! Talk to Reagan!
Nick: It's not Reagan, it's Aly. Let me out!
Winston: No, no. Aly? Don't look! Close your eyes! [Nick and Winston yelling]
Aly: Is that a comet? What... Oh, wow!
Winston: Look at me, baby. Look at me.
Aly: I feel like I should tell you, I saw the whole thing.

Cece: I feel like I haven't seen you in so long.
Jess: Like, in years.
Cece: You look friggin' amazing!
Jess: Shut up!
Cece: Truly, like, the best I've ever seen you.
Jess: Shut up.
Cece: Keep doing whatever you are doing.
Jess: Shut up you bitch! I love you.
Cece: Phenomenal.
Jess: I love you.
Cece: Phenomenal.

Jess: And you know what else? I'm coming with you to college 'cause sorority girls love me. Just ask my new besties... Anita Wang! Ivana Getsum. [sighs] Ah, hell.
Cece: Jessica damn Day. All of those names are fake.
Jess: What a freaking buzz kill.
Cece: You didn't see that when they wrote it down there?

Jess: You're so great, let me look at yours.
Cece: You check your facts. Check... Check it.
Jess: Melanie Fart signed yours five times.
Cece: Who wrote Melanie Fart?
Jess: They think ma-democracy's a joke! Democracy's not a joke!
Cece: No.
Jess: It's the system by which we live!

Winston: Hey, buddy, we doing all right?
Nick: Yeah, never better. Aly saw my ass in space, Reagan still wants to have phone sex with me, and I just panic-ordered $200 worth of Chinese food.
Winston: You know what, man? That's on me, I... I pushed you to use my style when I should have encouraged you to use your own.
Nick: Winston, if I had any style, I would call my girlfriend instead of using my best friend's electronic sex shed.

Nick: [on the phone] Hey, uh, Reagan, this is Nick Miller. You said you wanted phone sex, so, here you go. Here's your phone sex. Get ready to, uh, have a... an orgasm, I guess. When I'm done with, uh... I'll just start. You are a real sandwich lady, and I want to scream your name across the ocean.
Winston: Ooh, hoo! That's nice.
Nick: Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's that's Winston. Yeah, he's in here to help, he's actually been very helpful.
Winston: What's up, girl?
Nick: He says "What's up, girl?" Oh, yeah, I'll def... Yeah, makes perfect sense. [to Winston] You need to leave right now.
Winston: Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Bye, Reagan.
Nick: No, Winston, I mean it. She brings up a valid point. We're about to do phone sex, and...
Winston: I'm walking out...
Nick: All right, Winston, take off.
Winston: Sure. For sure.
Nick: No, Winston, I mean it. This is me telling you as Nick. I would like you to leave.
Winston: As Nick. Ooh!
Nick: Hit the road.
Winston: Oh, for real?
Nick: Yeah.
Winston: Oh, I'm sorry.
Nick: Yeah.
Winston: All right, then. Oh, hey, hey, before I go, it may be bad timing, but you want to grab brunch with my boy Willy tomorrow?
Nick: No.
Winston: I'll talk to you later.
Nick: I don't want to.
Winston: You'll change your mind. [laughs]

Jess: Hey, Winston, I lost the bet. I'm gonna be voting for you. And I'm scared to ask, what is your platform?
Winston: Well, first of all, I just want to say that my portrait, it will be silly. And I will change the national anthem to something like this. [falsetto] Oh, yeah America...

Jess: [as Trump] You're fired. You are fired. You're a loser. What can I say. It's sad. Your car is huge. It's beautiful. Opulent. It's huge. [normally] Someone just jump the curb and hit me now. Please. How much longer do I have to do this Schmidt?