Nick [muffled]: Hey, Crawdaddy's home! [coughs] I had a whole crawdaddy thing, but I... the point is, I'm home. [clears throat]
Jess: Hey, Nick. You weren't supposed to be home for, like, a month. Are you guys doing okay?
Nick: Yeah, uh, Reagan's drug company is moving her up to Seattle...
Jess: Okay.
Nick: so we're doing the distance thing. Yeah, we're doing great.
Jess: You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or, uh, Vancouver's Shoe.
Nick: What?
Jess: Vancouver's Shoe. [chuckles]

Nick: Is everything okay?
Jess: Um... I have to, um... It's just, I have to meet my friend. I mean, I have to go to the zoo.
Nick: The zoo? You hate zoos.
Jess: Um, I was supposed to meet her in the lemur section of the parking lot like ten minutes ago, so...
Nick: What friend?
Jess: Why...? Deedee. I have to meet Deedee. She's, like, a good friend.
Nick: "Deedee"? That's not a name. You have one friend. It's Cece. [Jess exits] This sounds fishy.

Cece: Jessica...
Jess: You said "emergency." Well, this is an emergency. Nick is home.
Cece: What is your emergency?
Jess: Don't glory in it, Cece.
Schmidt: Please don't mistake my measured bank tone for calmness, as I am filled with the waters of rage. Jess, I know that you've come here to convince Cece that she shouldn't buy this house.
Jess: No.
Cece: Babe, this is an emergency.
Jess: I have feelings for Nick again, okay? There. I said it. [sighs] I saw him for one second and I freaked out. I told him I was going to the zoo.
Both: You hate the zoo.
Jess: There's something about him. I see him and my heart explodes.
Schmidt: We all need to meet new people.

Winston: Where are we?
Leslie: Your new hood! Okay, so, I couldn't check all the boxes, but I think nailed the most important one: That it can float.
Winston: That's a... that's a boat.
Leslie: Yeah. I was just driving to my doctor's office last night and I saw it.
Winston: And you thought, "Okay." Where-where's your doctor's office?
Leslie: Three boats down. Should we call Aly and tell her the good news?

Jess: Just pretend like we're having a normal conversation.
Banker: Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. Um... This is, um, this is Margaret. This is Gracie.
Jess: Oh. No. You think I... Oh, no. I'm not a bank robber. Stop reaching for that button. I'm just trying to avoid my ex.
Banker: Oh, thank God.

Aly: [on video call] Just because we're long-distance doesn't mean we can't be real with each other. Okay? We have to tell each other everything.
Winston: [sighs] I don't know what the word "panache" means.
Aly: It means having a certain kind of flair.
Winston: That...
Aly: All right, I'm gonna hang up now. Are you ready?
Winston: Of course I'm ready. [chuckles]
Aly: [sings] Aly loves Winston
Winston: [sings] Winston loves Aly
Aly: We're both hanging up now
Winston: We're hanging up on the count of a hundred...
Aly: Okay, babe. Love you.
Winston: And a one, two, three...
Aly: Gotta go, bye.

Winston: You okay, Jess?
Jess: Yeah, it's just... something I have to handle on my own.
Winston: No such thing. I'm standing right here. Lay it on me.
Jess: Okay. But it's pretty major. Do you think you can handle it?
Winston: Yes. N... No. I jumped the gun. I should've said I don't... I don't know.
Jess: Here goes. Um... So Nick's back.
Winston: Ooh, don't I know it! Don't I know it! Nick is back! You know, maybe I can't handle it.
Jess: I haven't even gotten to the major part yet.

Jess: What I'm trying to say is... I'm not over Nick.
Winston: Oh... Ooh... Mm. Oh...! Oh...
Jess: I know.
Winston: Hm... mm...? Oh...
Jess: And you guys are all moving on. And I'm still here, where I was, waiting outside Nick's door, trying to figure out how to... talk to him without having a heart attack.
Winston: Okay. Okay, listen. You can't control who you panache. Just a quick check-in: How am I handling this?
Jess: Bizarrely... but it's kind of working.
Winston: Okay.
Jess: I have to figure out how to be friends with him again but I can't even bring... bring myself to knock on his door.
Winston: Well, that's okay, Jess, because I'm here.

Nick: Yeah?
Winston: Uh, Nick, question: Um, do you have another gator tooth? I seem to have swallowed mine.
Nick: I've given you a lot of gator teeth. This is the last one. And stop putting stuff in your mouth.
Winston: I will make no such promise.
Nick: Hey, Day.
Jess: Hey, Miller.
Winston: Well, Bish out. For the third time in my life, I have to call off a boat purchase.

Jess: Guys, I know I found this place, but... yikes.
Nick: Is that a bloody kite?
Winston: I smell coyote babies.
Schmidt: The other house was just too expensive.
Cece: Yeah, this place is actually perfect. Or at least it will be, once we redo it.
Jess: This whole room could be mid-century. You could use the crown molding as a focal point. [squeaking, scuttling] I'm sorry. I'm inserting.
Schmidt: It's okay. Look, we clearly are gonna need everyone's help on this.
Jess: Oh, thank you, God! Okay. We have to extend the dining room, track light the hallway, that closet is begging to be a half bath...