Sharona: What do you think so far?
Adrian Monk: There's no leg room. It's so crowded.
Sharona: Well, it's supposed to be crowded. It's sold out. You know, this play is going to New York. Can you believe it? My sister in an off-Broadway show?
Adrian Monk: So where is she?
Sharona: She's in the next scene. She kills a guy.
Adrian Monk: I hope it's the guy who designed these seats.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Do not insult us. There were 300 people in that theater.
Lieutenant Disher: They all saw it, Gail.
Gail Fleming: I can't tell you what they saw. I can only tell you what I did.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I can tell you what they saw. They saw you pick up a five-inch kitchen knife and plunge it into Hal Duncan's chest. Then they saw him fall, dead.

Gail Fleming: Okay. There are two knives onstage. One of them is real. I use it to cut a tomato in the second act. The other one is retractable, so it looks like he's being stabbed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. There are two knives onstage. Knife number one is on the counter. Knife number two is sticking in the guy's chest.
Lieutenant Disher: Look, here's the problem, Gail, both knives were real.
Gail Fleming: There's no way. I'm telling you. It was a prop knife. I can tell the difference.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, Gail, I like you.
Lieutenant Disher: We both like you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So please, stop insulting us.
Gail Fleming: Why would I kill him in front of everybody?
Lieutenant Disher: People do it every day.

Captain Stottlemeyer: You were having a relationship with the victim. You'd been seeing him for nearly a year.
Gail Fleming: It was just seven months.
Lieutenant Disher: He broke it off. You were upset. You sent him some e-mails. They were pretty emotional. Th-That's what I heard.
Gail Fleming: Who you been talking to, Randy? The crew?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You wanted to teach your boyfriend a lesson. You were pissed off. You did it in public. You didn't care, so you took a knife from home, you switched it with the knife on the stage, and then you stuck him in the chest. Everybody saw you.
Gail Fleming: He's not my boyfriend.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No! Not anymore.

Sharona: Okay, I got toothpaste, toothbrush, magazines. I'm allowed to bring her a towel, right?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Sharona: How long can they hold her?
Adrian Monk: Second-degree murder? The D.A.'s gonna try to deny her bail until she confesses.
Sharona: Why would she confess? [off Monk's silence] What? You think she did it?
Adrian Monk: Sharona, I don't know what to tell you. I was there. So were you.
Sharona: You know, I don't accept that. She said she was innocent. Things aren't always what they seem. Isn't that what you taught me?
Adrian Monk: Sharona, she stabbed the guy in front of 300 people. Look, I'm not a magician.
Sharona: Yes, you are. You turn things around all the time. You do it for strangers every day. So how come you can't do it for my sister?

Cheryl Fleming: I was so sorry to hear about Steve, but I say, good riddance. You're too good for the schlub. Oh! Is this our stockbroker?
Adrian Monk: Uh, no. I'm not your stockbroker. He's out of town. His name is Ronnie. That's all.
Sharona: Um, um, this is Adrian, remember?
Cheryl Fleming: Oh, the partner. The partner in crime.
Adrian Monk: Mrs. Fleming.
Cheryl Fleming: Oh, no. Call me Cheryl. [shakes Monk's hand]
Adrian Monk: Wipe?
Sharona: Not now.

Adrian Monk: There was a stabbing.
Cheryl Fleming: Oh. You mean, in the audience?
Adrian Monk: No. Uh, no. Onstage, uh, during the show. The actor who was playing Burt was killed. Gail stabbed him.
Cheryl Fleming: Oh, I know. I read the script.
Adrian Monk: No, no. Cheryl, he died.
Cheryl Fleming: Oh, l-I don't understand.
Sharona: Neither do we. Uh... The police think that she might have done it on purpose.
Adrian Monk: She's been arrested for murder in the second degree. There's a bail hearing tomorrow.
Cheryl Fleming: Gail? No. I don't believe it. It's a mistake, right?
Adrian Monk: The police don't think so.
Cheryl Fleming: Well, they're wrong. Well, you're gonna help her, right? I mean, that's what you do. You're a couple of detectives, right?
Adrian Monk: Of course we're going to help her. After all, we're we're a couple of detectives. Right?
Sharona: Right.
Cheryl Fleming: Right.

Adrian Monk: I'm, uh, I'm Adrian Monk, and this is Sh... She's usually right here. This is a terrible week, I'll bet.
O'Dell: Hey, that wasn't my fault. The cops had me under the lights all night long. I told them I put the prop knife on the set. We use two knives on this show. A real one and one like this.
Adrian Monk: Hey, whoa-
O'Dell: Don't wet yourself. The blade retracts into the handle. Gail must have switched the gag knife for the real one before the show.
Adrian Monk: May I?
O'Dell: See? It doesn't feel like a real knife at all, does it?
Adrian Monk: No.
O'Dell: She had to know she was holding a real knife. What happened onstage Sunday night, that was no accident. That was a woman scorned. "Hell hath no fury," right?

Adrian Monk: Uh, Jenna Ryan Is she a customer?
Salon Manager: Yes.
Cheryl Fleming: Gail's understudy.
Adrian Monk: Right. She has an appointment for tomorrow.
Sharona: So? She wants to look good for her debut.
Adrian Monk: But- But look. According to this, she made this appointment two weeks ago. How did she know she'd be onstage?
Sharona: I don't know. Coincidence?
Adrian Monk: Maybe.
Sharona: So what are you saying?
Adrian Monk: I'm saying you might be right. Your sister may have been framed. And I think the understudy could have had something to do with it.
Salon Manager: [touching Monk's hair] Who did your perm? I-I absolutely love it.

Sharona: Sign in. It's perfect. This way, Jenna has to talk to you.
Adrian Monk: "Speedy Dates"? No. No, no, no. That's like Dante's seventh circle of hell.
Sharona: Adrian, "whatever it takes." Isn't that what you said?