Sharona: Hey! Thought you might be here. How ya doin'?
Adrian Monk: I'm good. I'm great. I'm living a dream. Where's Trevor?
Sharona: Went home.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry. I missed you.
Sharona: I missed you too. God, I really did. Maybe I should see a shrink, too.
Adrian Monk: Stick around. Dr. Kroger will be here any minute.

Adrian Monk: Sigmund Freud never took a vacation.
Sharona: Well, Sigmund Freud never met you.
Adrian Monk: I need somebody to talk to.
Sharona: He'll be back soon. Don't worry about it. I mean, everybody needs some time off. Except, apparently me.

Lieutenant Disher: Can I be honest with you, sir?
Captain Stottlemeyer: [over radio] All units, clear the air. We're in pursuit of a hit-and-run. He's eastbound on Union.
Lieutenant Disher: This is my first car chase. I been waitin' for this my whole life. [crashing sounds]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Chase over. What'd you think?

Adrian Monk: [shakes present] It's a jigsaw puzzle.
Benjy: Is he right? [a boy nods] How many pieces?
Adrian Monk: 700?
Benjy: Didn't I tell you?
Sharona: But Benjy, Mr. Monk isn't a toy.
Benjy: Sure he is.

Adrian Monk: Okay, how about an automatic card shuffler? Says "Fun for all ages." I know he enjoys having fun. He mentioned that once.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I can see that you're anxious about this, but the important thing to remember is that Benjy loves you, so whatever you get for him, Benjy will love.
Adrian Monk: He didn't love the pajamas I bought him last year. I saw it on his face. The... The disappointment. I- I hate that look. I- I never want to see that look again.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, why don't you just ask Sharona what he would like?
Adrian Monk: She said to pick out the gift myself, so it would really come from me.

Sharona: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant Disher: Sharona, Monk.
Sharona: Is that a new tie?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. It's a gift from my girlfriend.
Sharona: She has very good taste. In ties, not in men.
Lieutenant Disher: Ooh, do I detect a hint of jealousy?
Sharona: If you do, it's the only detecting you've ever done.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk, old buddy, old pal, old chum.
Sharona: "Old buddy"? What have you done with the real Captain Stottlemeyer?

Lieutenant Disher: The feds are here?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, up the wazoo. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. They're in charge, and they're not shy about saying so. Monk. If you can make me look good here, I would really appreciate it. I'd love to show these bastards up. Wouldn't hurt our careers either.

Agent Grooms: Who the hell is that? Marion the Librarian?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's Adrian Monk. He's consulting with us.
Agent Grooms: But he's not consulting with us.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Agent Grooms, you said you'd keep us local bumpkins in the loop. Give my man a couple of minutes, okay?

Adrian Monk: Who's "Marion"?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You are. "Marion the Librarian."
Adrian Monk: So it's like a put-down.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yup. It's a derogatory remark, Monk.