Adrian Monk: Do you have a cause of death?
Brian: It's unofficial. It looks like blunt trauma. Eight, maybe nine hits.
Adrian Monk: From what?
Brian: You tell me. Something sharp and heavy.
Adrian Monk: Curved edge.
Brian: Weird, huh? Maybe a frying pan?
Adrian Monk: Or a bell.
Brian: A bell?

Natalie: What is it?
Adrian Monk: She was hit on the right side.
Natalie: So that means the attacker was left-handed, right?
Adrian Monk: Or his right arm was in a sling.
Natalie: A sling.
Adrian Monk: Look, there's Candy Canes on the ground. There's three impressions like from a tripod. One of those charity collection pots.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, what are you saying?
Adrian Monk: I think I know who did this.
Natalie: Who?
Adrian Monk: Santa Claus.
Natalie: Who?
Adrian Monk: Santa Claus!
Natalie: No, not again! No! No! No! No! No, Mr. Monk, please no.

Dr. Kroger: Adrian, they can't all have been that bad.
Adrian Monk: Pick a year.
Dr. Kroger: Uh, 1964.
Adrian Monk: '64, good choice. Mom was sick. Dad was... Dad was dad. Ambrose locked himself in the basement. He's no fool. Christmas morning, I got one gift. A walkie talkie.
Dr. Kroger: Well those can be fun. I had a pair of those.
Adrian Monk: Not a- Not a pair. Dad said I only need one because I didn't have any friends.
Dr. Kroger: Oh.
Adrian Monk: Just one walkie... One walkie talkie.
Dr. Kroger: What?
Adrian Monk: I think I know why Kenworthy was on that roof.

Natalie: I don't get it. What does this all have to do with a pair of walkie talkies?
Adrian Monk: Not a pair. Not a pair. One walkie talkie. See, that's the key. I remember when Disher was going through that big toy bag. There was one walkie talkie, but it wasn't one of the toys. Kenworthy was using it! He was talking to somebody!
Natalie: So he was a lookout?
Adrian Monk: No, no, not a lookout. He was dressed like Santa and throwing stuff off the roof. A lookout is usually a little more discrete.
Natalie: Well, what, then?
Adrian Monk: He was a diversion. He was stopping traffic. He was blocking that intersection down there so the cops couldn't get through. Look.
Natalie: Oh, my God. The macmillan museum!
Adrian Monk: It's three blocks away. They were robbing it, or at least they were about to.
Natalie: The star of Bethlehem. But I didn't hear about any robbery.
Adrian Monk: That's because there wasn't a robbery. I interrupted them, so they called it off. But I think they're gonna try it again.
Natalie: How do you know?
Adrian Monk: Alice Dubois, the woman who was killed, she worked at that museum, remember? [traffic noises]
Natalie: It's just a truck. Somebody must've broken down. Oh, my God. Mr. Monk, he's using a walkie talkie!
Adrian Monk: Call the captain. They're trying it again.

Adrian Monk: He's got the diamond. Call the Captain! Call him quick. Tell him to stop the orange truck.
Natalie: Where, where are you going?
Adrian Monk: I'm going after Santa.
Natalie: No, no, not again! Wait, Mr. Monk! Are you sure? I mean 100,000% sure? It's hard on me too!

Brandy Barber: Mr. Monk, Adrian. Brandy Barber, Channel Six News.
Natalie: Yeah, we remember.
Brandy Barber: How does it feel being a hero?
Adrian Monk: He's a very bad Santa. Very, very bad. Bad, bad, bad Santa.
Brandy Barber: Yes, we know that now.
Adrian Monk: Just bad, bad bad, bad...
Natalie: We're going home now. We don't have anything left to say.
Adrian Monk: Bad.

Natalie: Egg nog. My favorite! Want some?
Julie Teeger: Really?
Natalie: Yeah, you can try it. I'm here. What do you think?
Julie Teeger: I don't think I like alcohol.
Natalie: Really? Thank you! That could be my Christmas present.

Adrian Monk: What are you doing? Come on, we're supposed to be cleaning up.
Natalie: I know, we started to, but, everything looks so beautiful.
Adrian Monk: Candles? You trying to burn the place down? What's that noise?
Julie Teeger: It's music.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, come on. It's Christmas Eve. You can't put everything away.
Adrian Monk: It's not real. The boxes are empty.
Natalie: I know.
Adrian Monk: The stockings are empty. It's all pretend, remember? We just put it up for that stupid TV interview.
Julie Teeger: But it looks real.
Natalie: And it feels real. And if you're feeling something then it's real!
Adrian Monk: I don't feel anything.
Natalie: I know, because you're not relaxing.