Adrian Monk: So, how long?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Two, maybe three days. Now, you are gonna feel normal for awhile. Then there's gonna be some vomiting, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [sits down] Vomiting?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: That's right, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: Vomiting?!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Yes, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [wails] Vomiting!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Adrian, I really need you to focus on the last part of that sentence. There's gonna be some vomiting and then death.
Adrian Monk: Is there any chance death can come before the vomiting?

Dr. Bell: All right, look. I am not giving up. Doctors are performing miracles everyday. I'm just gonna put all your appointments in my book. Three, four weeks ahead of time. All right, Adrian Monk, Monday 11am. Adrian Monk, and Wednesday...
Adrian Monk: You're using a pencil.
Dr. Bell: Oh, it doesn't mean anything.
Adrian Monk: You never used a pencil.
Dr. Bell: Well, I didn't have a pen.
Adrian Monk: It's right there. Your pen is right there. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't even- My time is up. Ha, "My time is up", get it? Goodbye, Dr. Bell.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, this is not goodbye. It's never goodbye.
Adrian Monk: Goodbye.

Natalie: Can I get you anything? How about some tea?
Adrian Monk: Nuh-uh. Just... Trudy's gift.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, no.
Adrian Monk: It's time.
Natalie: Please.
Adrian Monk: Natalie... It's time.
[Natalie goes over to the book shelf, retrieves the gift and hands it to Monk. Natalie cries as Monk begins to unwrap the gift. Monk is surprised by the contents.]
Natalie: Its a videotape.
[As they watch the tape:]
Trudy Monk: [on tape] Hello, Adrian. If you are watching this it means I'm dead. I know we said we'd never have any secrets, but there's something I never told you. Something happened. Something terrible. Years ago, before we met...

Captain Stottlemeyer: Did you talk to the lab?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I just got off the phone with them. He's not gonna make it.
[Stottlemeyer pulls out a bottle of scotch and two glasses]
Lieutenant Disher: Should I shut the door?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't care. Let them fire me. I wish they would. I had him all wrong. I know that now. I always thought that Monk was not all there. Like, there was something missing. Like he was less than human. But he wasn't missing anything. He was seeing more than anybody. He was feeling more than anybody. Hell, that was his problem. He was too human. If we had more like him, we'd be better off.

Dr. Matthew Shuler: Mr. Monk, we've never met. How well do you take bad news?
Adrian Monk: Oh, not well. I'm probably the worst.
Natalie: Not good. Not good.
Adrian Monk: I'd rather hear the good news first.
Dr. Matthew Shuler: I'm afraid there is no good news.
Adrian Monk: There's always good news. People say: "I have good news and some bad news..."
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Not this time.

Natalie: This is for Mr. Monk. This is for me. For Mr. Monk. This is for me. Mr. Monk. Me. Mr. Monk.
Lt. Steven Albright: Sorry, I don't get it, why two separate carts? Why don't we just separate them when we get home?
Natalie: Yeah, I stopped asking those questions a long time ago.

[fantasy:]
Trudy Monk: You don't have to sleep like that.
Adrian Monk: Like what?
Trudy Monk: All crunched up on your side of the bed. You are sleeping by yourself Adrian.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm not.
Trudy Monk: Yes, you are, darling. You have the whole bed. You can sleep in the middle.
Adrian Monk: I can't.
Trudy Monk: It's time to say goodbye, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I can't. Wh- Why are you smiling?
Trudy Monk: It won't be much longer.

Lieutenant Disher: Don't ask.
Natalie: Don't ask what?
Lieutenant Disher: Where I've been.
Natalie: Were you gone?
Lieutenant Disher: Two weeks on vacation. Can't talk about it. It was personal.
Natalie: Were you in New York? Your plane ticket says New York.
Lieutenant Disher: Can't confirm or deny.
Natalie: You don't have to confirm it, I can see your ticket.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, you never know.
Natalie: I already know. I can see your ticket.
Lieutenant Disher: Natalie, we can't talk about this right now. We're at a crime scene.

Captain Stottlemeyer: You were with Kazarinsky yesterday. We know you sold him some fake id. What was it? A driver's license, passport?
Ronnie: I don't know what you're talking about.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [grabs him] Ronnie, I don't have time to dance with you today. My friend is sick. You understand?
Ronnie: Your friend is sick, what does that mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It means that I need that name. I need to know the name that Joey Kazarinsky is using now.
Ronnie: So you need a name? What are you gonna do? Hit me with a phonebook? There are no phonebooks in here, Captain. Nobody uses phonebooks any more. They all use computers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, you're right. [looks over at a laptop computer]
[later, Stottlemeyer carries a beat-up laptop as he passes Disher:]
Lieutenant Disher: Did you get a name?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, I did. Oh, your computer crashed.

[flashback:]
Adrian Monk: That was really fun last night. I haven't been caroling since, I don't know, since college, I guess. I have to thank you for that.
Trudy Monk: For what?
Adrian Monk: For making me do it, getting me out of the house.
Trudy Monk: You are welcome.
Adrian Monk: And I have to thank you for that other thing. You know, marrying me. [sees mistletoe] Oh, look! [they kiss]
Trudy Monk: You are welcome. Did you ever hear anything about that woman?
Adrian Monk: What woman?
Trudy Monk: Ah, the midwife, Wendy something. I overheard you talking yesterday.
Adrian Monk: Ah Wendy Stroud, no no, not yet. It's been 3 days, and it looks like she's really missing. I was actually heading down to the clinic now. Talk to her boss. [tastes salad] You forgot the onions.
Trudy Monk: Did I?
Adrian Monk: Are you okay? [off her look] Trudy.
Trudy Monk: You know, it's really hard being married to a detective, I never get to have any secrets. I'm fine, its nothing. Just a little overwhelmed. I've got so much to do. I'm picking up medication for Ambrose. The bills are due. I got two articles to proofread. And just not enough time.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Wait a minute. That's new. [finds present under the tree] It's for me?
Trudy Monk: Adrian, don't open that. I mean, it's a surprise. Promise me, you won't open it till Christmas.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. I won't open the digital watch. I'm putting it back.
Trudy Monk: [hugs Monk] I love you.
Adrian Monk: I can't imagine why.