[flashback:]
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Wendy Stroud has worked here for 19 years. She was the first midwife I hired.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She ever disappear before?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: No, she's never missed a day. She's never even been late. Hence the phone call.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hence we're here.
Adrian Monk: Has anyone else heard from her? Any of the other nurses?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: No, nobody has heard from her. And they are not nurses. They are midwifes. There's a difference. A midwife is a qualified, autonomous practitioner specializing in the natural birth experience. Excuse me, what are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm- I'm straightening it out.
Dr. Malcolm Nash: They're umbilical cords. They are never straight.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bet his was. [Stottlemeyer and Monk chuckle] [answers phone] Excuse me. Yeah he is right here. When? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll be right there.
Adrian Monk: Leland, what is it? Did something happen?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's Trudy.

Lieutenant Disher: Look, Edie, we're trying to protect Joey here. If you tell us where he is, we can pick him up without anyone getting hurt.
Edie Kazarinski: I don't care if you kill him. Hope you do.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you happen to have a recent photograph? The one we have is over 10 years old.
Edie Kazarinski: Threw 'em out. Ripped 'em up and threw them out. Wait, I think I have one left. [removes picture from the bird cage]
Lieutenant Disher: He has a white goatee.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's not a goatee. [scratches photo]

Joe Kazarinsky: [answers phone] Hello.
Judge Ethan Rickover: It's me.
Joe Kazarinsky: Hey, where the hell you at? I've been waiting, like, an hour.
Judge Ethan Rickover: Change of plans. We won't be meeting again.
Joe Kazarinsky: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Judge Ethan Rickover: At least not in person.
Joe Kazarinsky: Wait, is there a problem?
Judge Ethan Rickover: Yeah, we have a big problem. You left a partial fingerprint at the clinic. They have your name. They're looking for you.
Joe Kazarinsky: Its gonna be okay, alright. I've disappeared before.
Judge Ethan Rickover: Before you pack your bags, I've got another job for you. I figured you could use another pay day.
Joe Kazarinsky: Alright, well, who is it?
Judge Ethan Rickover: A detective. A former detective. His name is Adrian Monk. He is going to put two and two together eventually. In this case, two and two equals me. I'm afraid it will get rather personal. I can't afford that.
Joe Kazarinsky: What do you mean personal?
Judge Ethan Rickover: I mean he would come after me, try to kill me. He'd probably succeed.
Joe Kazarinsky: Now, why'd he wanna do something like that?
Judge Ethan Rickover: Because 12 years ago, I killed his wife.

Lt. Steven Albright: So Julie, your mom says you're going to Berkley. Theater Arts?
Julie Teeger: Yeah that's the plan.
Lt. Steven Albright: You gonna live at home?
Julie Teeger: No way. I'm already all packed up.
Natalie: Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I can't believe she's leaving. I miss her already.
Julie Teeger: Well, I'll only be 30 minutes away.
Natalie: This home will just be a house.
Julie Teeger: Oh, thanks, Mom. That was a real conversation killer.

Nurse: We're gonna need some blood.
Adrian Monk: All right, Natalie, give her some blood.
Nurse: No, I mean your blood.
Adrian Monk: What are you doing? What is that?!
Nurse: It's just a needle.
Adrian Monk: That is not a needle. That thing's 10 feet long.
Nurse: You've never given blood before? [Monk shakes his head] Well, you've had shots before.
Natalie: I don't think so.
Nurse: Well, there's a first time for everything.

Dr. Matthew Shuler: Mr. Monk, have you eaten anything unusual lately?
Natalie: Why do you ask?
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Well, this is all very preliminary. We are going to have to run more tests. But it looks like Adrian's been poisoned.
Natalie: Poisoned?
Adrian Monk: I said "well done"!
Natalie: It was well done!
Adrian Monk: You should have seen it, it was still pink. It was bleeding.
Natalie: I'm the worst cook in the world. Mr. Monk, if I gave you food poisoning, I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?
Adrian Monk: If you gave me food poisoning, no.

Adrian Monk: Oh, God, there he is. Here he comes. My God. God, I hate the way they walk. This is the longest hallway in the world.
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Hey, how you feeling?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Scared.
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Yeah. Well, here's what we know. Everybody ate the same food at Natalie's and nobody else got sick. So we're assuming it wasn't introduced there. I've sent a Hazmat team to your house, and they've taken away all the food they can find.
Adrian Monk: Are they gonna put everything back?
Dr. Matthew Shuler: After we're done testing.
Adrian Monk: Because I have a system...
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Adrian, they are gonna put it back exactly the way it was, okay? I promise.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Two days.
Adrian Monk: Wish it were five.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Adrian Monk: It's just a bigger number.

Dr. Bell: Do you know what kind of poison he used?
Adrian Monk: No, they found the motel room he was using. There were some chemicals in the dumpster, but it'll take them weeks to analyze everything. There isn't enough time.
Dr. Bell: How about the food from your shopping carts?
Adrian Monk: No, all negative. No trace of anything. [coughs]
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I could have met you at home or the hospital, you know.
Adrian Monk: That's all right. I was out anywhere. Natalie is driving me to the cemetery to say good bye. I'm just so sorry, so sorry...
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you have nothing to be sorry about.
Adrian Monk: I have everything to be sorry about. I've lived like a prisoner. I've been a prisoner. Ever since Trudy... Wasted so much time. It's- Add it up, I've wasted probably 3 years just washing these hands. Wait. [wipes hands]
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you are not being fair. You know, You've been- You are more productive than anyone I know. You've solved over 120 major cases.
Adrian Monk: I didn't solve anything. If I didn't solve Trudy- I didn't keep my promise to her. Didn't solve anything. I always hated that painting.

Natalie: I'm really worried about this dinner party.
Adrian Monk: Its gonna be fine.
Natalie: I don't know what I'm more nervous about, Steven meeting Julie, or Julie meeting Steven. You are still coming right, you promise?
Adrian Monk: I'll be there. Do you need anything?
Natalie: Oh, thank you for asking. Maybe some wine?
Adrian Monk: Okay, red or white?
Natalie: Maybe red.
Adrian Monk: Would you pick some up?