Brent Donovan: [over P.A.] Cleanup on aisle four. Cleanup on aisle four.
Adrian Monk: I got it! I got it. Mine. Coming through. I called it. Coming through. Excuse me. It's mine.
Brent Donovan: [to himself] Who is that man?

Delores: It doesn't have to be perfect.
Adrian Monk: Well, as long as we're here, we might as well do the job right.
Delores: I said the same thing when I started.
Adrian Monk: When was that?
Delores: I don't remember.

Adrian Monk: Did you know Edna Coruthers?
Delores: Everybody knew Edna. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but she was a royal pain in the rump, always coming in early, working late. She was making the rest of us look bad.
Adrian Monk: Did she ever argue or fight with anyone?
Delores: She'd argue with anybody who messed up her department. I worked with her over in Housewares. Everything had to be spic and span. She was a regular profectionist.
Adrian Monk: You mean perfectionist.
Delores: I'm not one, so I can say it any damn way I want.

Sharona: Got that information you wanted on Jennie Silverman. Her adult record was clean, but she spent some time in juvie. Uh, age 15, she had minor-league possession and trespassing, and at age 16, she stole a car.
Joe Christie: I thought juvenile records were sealed.
Sharona: Yeah, well, there's a clerk downtown named Ned, who has four cats and lives with his mom, and he bought me a drink. I don't get paid enough.
Joe Christie: Monk was right. You are good. I'm glad you have his back. Take care of him.
Sharona: Can I ask you something? What was he like as a cop?
Joe Christie: I remember the day we met. I walked down the hall to shake his hand, this was, you know, back when he was shaking hands. And there were seven detectives lined up outside his office just waiting to run cases by him, just to see what he thought, just to pick his brain. I learned more from Adrian Monk in two days than I did in the two years that I was at the academy.
Sharona: Were you there when Trudy...
Joe Christie: Yeah, yeah, I was there when he got the call. He was laughing when the phone rang, and he never laughed again.

Sharona: Are you wearing cologne?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, Crystal got it for me.
Sharona: Hey, captain, you ever met Crystal?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, I can't say that I have. We were supposed to go out to dinner last week, but she canceled at the last minute.
Lieutenant Disher: She wasn't feeling well.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mm-hmm.
Sharona: Maybe you blew her up too much.
Lieutenant Disher: She's not a balloon.
Sharona: Oh, that's right. She's a living, breathing wallet model.

Adrian Monk: What's, what's this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That, my friend, is the evidence room. Bin number four. That's where your pal said that he put all of the cocaine. As you can plainly see, bin number four is empty.
Adrian Monk: Okay, wait. Some of these items were sold at a police auction a few days later?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. That's routine.
Adrian Monk: Three televisions, one boy's bicycle, two computers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So?
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait. Look. Look. Look at this bicycle.
Sharona: Well, that's a girl's bike. There's no metal bar.
Adrian Monk: But when it was sold two days later, it was a boy's bike. Somebody added that metal tube.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Do we know who bought that boy's bike?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, it's right here. Item 422, boy's bike, sold to Clara Toplin.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Toplin? Clara Toplin used to be the properties clerk here. She quit about four years ago.
Lieutenant Disher: That's right.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Joe, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.
Joe Christie: That's a good start. [Monk puts his hand out] Come on. [they shake hands] You don't want to wipe that off?
Adrian Monk: No. I don't. Let's get back to work.

Joe Christie: I can't believe I found this. This is the performance chart from last month.
Adrian Monk: See, Edna was out front. She would have won.
Joe Christie: You're not suggesting that somebody was killed because of this. You're saying Jennie Silverman committed cold-blooded murder just so she could be Employee of the Month? Why?
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] I don't know.

Joe Christie: As employee of the month, she gets a ceramic mug, dinner for two at the world-famous lobster barrel, and a plaque.
Adrian Monk: And, of course, the thanks of a grateful nation.
Joe Christie: [chuckles] Do you really think there's something here worth killing for?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yes. It's here. We just can't see it.
Joe Christie: What do you think?
Adrian Monk: I think Edna was obviously killed for this mug.
Joe Christie: Really?
Adrian Monk: No.
Joe Christie: Well, maybe it's made out of gold and painted over.
Adrian Monk: Joe... [taps mug]
Joe Christie: Hey, you said try 300 theories until one fits.
Adrian Monk: I said that?
Joe Christie: Yeah, I remember everything you ever said, God help me.

Adrian Monk: It wasn't about the mug. What's next?
Joe Christie: Dinner for two at the Lobster Barrel.
Adrian Monk: Tell me about the Lobster Barrel.
Joe Christie: It's a family place. It's noisy, there's a million kids. You wouldn't last five minutes there. It's got a great all-you-can-eat buffet with seven different kinds of shrimp. They got jumbo shrimp, batter-dipped shrimp, tempura shrimp...
Adrian Monk: Okay, stop telling me about the lobster barrel.
Joe Christie: Barbecue shrimp.
Adrian Monk: Stop! What's next?
Joe Christie: 89 cent, plastic commemorative plaque. Would you kill somebody to get this?
Adrian Monk: I'd kill somebody not to get it.