Samantha Austin: I was just telling the captain something's wrong. I can feel it. I've known Amanda for years, and she never would have gone anywhere without her medication or without Shelby.
Adrian Monk: And Shelby is her daughter?
Samantha Austin: No.
Adrian Monk: Shelby is her son?
Samantha Austin: Here she is. Come here, girl. There's a good girl.
Adrian Monk: It's a dog. Shelby is a dog!
Samantha Austin: Well, she's the only family Amanda has.
Adrian Monk: [scoffs] Family.

Adrian Monk: Did Amanda wear glasses?
Samantha Austin: No.
Adrian Monk: [picks up glasses case] Somebody wore glasses. Was she dating? Was there anyone in particular?
Samantha Austin: She didn't say. She never did. She's a pretty private person.
Adrian Monk: [looking at painting] Are those glasses?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Looks like it. Did somebody pose for this?
Samantha Austin: I don't know. I think it's new.
Natalie: Could be a lover.
Adrian Monk: How do you figure?
Natalie: Well, he's naked, and... Lower right corner?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Oh. I thought that was the signature.

Adrian Monk: Natalie! Natalie! Dog! Dog lick hand! Dog lick hand! Dog lick hand! Boil some water! Dog lick hand.
Natalie: We don't have boil water. Calm down.
Adrian Monk: [calmly] Dog lick hand.
Natalie: Yes, I know dog lick hand. Dog likes you. Dog's been following you around.
Adrian Monk: Well, tell her not to like me! Don't like me, you understand? Go away. You're a bad dog. Go away.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, you should adopt the dog.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Natalie: Just for a day or two until the owner gets back. I'm worried about you you're getting lonely.
Adrian Monk: Not that lonely, not dog lonely.
Natalie: I think you are dog lonely. Dogs are family.
Adrian Monk: No, no, dogs are animals. They're filthy, they're naked, and they eat, and then they un-eat, and then that is probably the worst idea you've ever had.

Animal Control Officer: Let's go. Come on. I don't want any problems. I got two more pickups today. Get in the crate. There you go. Come on, get in there. Get in the crate.
Lieutenant Disher: Do you... [makes cut-throat gesture]
Animal Control Officer: No, never. We're not what they call a kill shelter.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What happens if nobody comes to pick her up?
Animal Control Officer: Oh, well, in a month, we send her to what's called the kill shelter.
Animal Control Officer: All right, come on. Let's go, get in there.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait. I'll take her.

Natalie: Oh, sorry about that.
Steve DeWitt: Oh, it's okay. She probably just smells my dog. Hello, sweetheart. What is she, a terrier?
Adrian Monk: We don't know.
Natalie: Yeah, she's just staying with my boss for a while.
Steve DeWitt: What are they feeding you, sweetheart? Somebody needs to go on a diet.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, let's get started! Gonna line up over here, arm's length apart.
Steve DeWitt: Gotta go. Nice meeting you.
Adrian Monk: [to Shelby] It's okay. Don't listen to him. You're not fat.

Adrian Monk: Tell me when it's 2:30.
Natalie: Okay.
Adrian Monk: What time is it?
Natalie: It's 1:15.
Lieutenant Disher: What happens at 2:30?
Adrian Monk: I promised somebody i'd be home.
Natalie: It's Shelby. A man and his dog. You love her. I can tell.
Adrian Monk: I don't love her. I don't hate her. She's fine. I don't mind her for a couple of days, maybe a week, whatever.

Adrian Monk: It's 1:22. We really should get back.
Natalie: You said 2:30.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, but and I hate to keep her waiting. Want to stop and pick up some dessert on the way to surprise her. She loves surprises. Face lights up. See you later.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bye. Does he have a girlfriend?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, he kinda does.

Adrian Monk: Hello. Okay, no licking. No licking, no licking. Okay, look, I will take you out. Just let me put these on first. Yeah? Yeah, you see what I got you? Do you see what I got you? Don't tell anybody, but I missed you, too. Yeah, ice cream. I didn't know which flavor you liked so, I got you all five.

Steve DeWitt: I've already talked to the police. I mean, the real police. They were here for three hours. I didn't know the girl, I never met the girl.
Natalie: You were at her house. You were looking for her.
Steve DeWitt: I saw she was missing. It was on the news. They said they need volunteers. I was just doing my civic duty. Next time, I won't bother.
Adrian Monk: You gave the police a false name.
Steve DeWitt: Yes, I have four or five unpaid parking tickets. You want to arrest me for that, go ahead.
Adrian Monk: Something spill?
Steve DeWitt: Excuse me?
Adrian Monk: This part of the floor, it almost looks like it was bleached.
Steve DeWitt: Excuse me, I'm not comfortable with you just wandering around.
Adrian Monk: I'm sure you're not.
Steve DeWitt: I didn't kill anyone, Mr. Monk, you can't prove that I did. Can you?
Adrian Monk: No, I can't.