Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk. What are you doing here?
Natalie: Julie's musical. The theater is right down the street.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, yeah, was that tonight? How did it go?
Natalie: She was great. Everybody thought so, not just me.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, she was very poised.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm sure she was. Congratulations.

Adrian Monk: So what's going on here?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Jumper. She was staying at the hotel. Looks like she checked out early.
Adrian Monk: May I take a look?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I thought you'd never ask.

Adrian Monk: Captain, I think her date showed up. He showed up early, unexpectedly. And he killed her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How do you figure?
Adrian Monk: Her hair was wet.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Her new dress laid out on the bed, her makeup kit still open. Plus, only one false eyelash.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Where the hell's Randy?
Natalie: I sent him out to get a newspaper.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You? You're You sent Randy out. Well, who are you, the new police commissioner?
Natalie: The morning edition comes out at midnight. They're gonna review Julie's play.
Captain Stottlemeyer: For the love of God, he's a police lieutenant, not a bellhop. Or maybe he is.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk, come here. Come on.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, if she was pushed, and it's looking like she was pushed, it happened out here. This is the crime scene.
Adrian Monk: I'm good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: For the love of God, Monk, it's a balcony. It's perfectly safe.
Adrian Monk: It wasn't perfectly safe for her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, she landed by the awning, so we figure she went over someplace about here.
Adrian Monk: I think she was over there. By that plant. Three or four leaves missing. I think she grabbed at the plant as she went over.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] You're right.

Adrian Monk: What do you got?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's a ribbon. "Lasky."
Natalie: Lasky Jewelers. It's probably from a jewelry box.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, it's small. Might have been a ring. Officer, could you hang onto that for me, please?
Adrian Monk: Look at this footprint. He was on his toes.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I see it. He was squatting.
Adrian Monk: Or kneeling. He was proposing to her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, that fits. The hotel suite, the champagne, the ring box. He comes here to propose to her, he pops the question, she turns him down, he snaps and kills her.
Adrian Monk: So we're looking for a boyfriend.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Boyfriend. Good. Boyfriends are good. They're easy to find.

Natalie: Did you get it?
Lieutenant Disher: [holding newspaper] Yeah, it's not in here, though. Maybe... Maybe tomorrow's.
Natalie: Well, can I see it?
Lieutenant Disher: No.
Natalie: [grabs paper] Why?
Lieutenant Disher: Because he's a critic, Natalie. Who cares what he thinks? I mean, he's probably just a frustrated actor, anyway.
Natalie: I'm too nervous. You read it.
Lieutenant Disher: Look, this is just one man's opinion.
Natalie: Read it.
Lieutenant Disher: "Last night's premiere, first-rate material, second-rate arrangements", blah, blah, blah...
Natalie: No blah, blah, blahs. [takes newspaper] Okay... "Julie Teeger's rendition of 'Away', the classic ballad, was completely forgettable. A corny, cliche-filled performance that had me begging for less. Ms. Teeger owes me four minutes of my life back."
Adrian Monk: That could mean anything.

Natalie: "Corny, cliche-filled performance?" How can they say that? It's just not true!
Adrian Monk: I thought you threw that out.
Natalie: I bought another one.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, you're torturing yourself. You've become obsessed with this review.
Natalie: Look who's talking.
Adrian Monk: That's true. I get obsessed too, but I can handle it. I've had years of experience.

Natalie: Excuse me. John Hannigan.
John Hannigan: That all depends.
Natalie: My name is Natalie Teeger. My daughter was in the play that you reviewed last night.
John Hannigan: If you'll excuse me, I'm kissing my luscious fiancee.
Natalie: Sorry, she sang "Away". The ballad, remember? You called her "completely forgettable."
John Hannigan: Your daughter is not forgettable. No, what I meant to say was I wish I could forget her, but alas, the banality of that tune she tried to sing is seared indelibly in my brain. Is that better?
Natalie: You know what you are, Mr. Hannigan, you're a bully. For your information, Julie got the most applause of anyone. People loved her. They were crying.
John Hannigan: I'm sure they were. Ah, lunch. Thank you, Kevin.
Diana Phelps: Winberries again?
John Hannigan: I'm a creature of habit, darling. Get used to it. Your complaint has been noted, Miss Teeger. Is there anything else? [Natalie sniffs his cologne] Is there something wrong?

Adrian Monk: May we help you?
Natalie: Are you wearing cologne?
Adrian Monk: No, thank you for asking.
Natalie: Do you smell that?
Adrian Monk: Probably her perfume.
Natalie: No, that's men's cologne. My grandfather used to wear that. It smells nice.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not me.
Officer Darden: Don't look at me.