Natalie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not wearing that t-shirt.
Julie Teeger: Why not?
Natalie: Because it's not appropriate honey. You're in high school now.
Julie Teeger: I can't take it off. And I promised him I'd wear it every day.
Natalie: Uh-huh. For how long?
Julie Teeger: Til I die.
Natalie: You're gonna wear that t-shirt until you die?
Julie Teeger: That's the plan.
Natalie: No, no, no, no.

Lieutenant Disher: So he comes running downstairs. The intruder fires, misses, hits the wall. Husband returns fire. Bang. One shot. End of story.
Adrian Monk: One shot. Bang. End of Story. The soles of his shoes are clean.
Lieutenant Disher: So?
Adrian Monk: Well, he cut through the garden out back. You think he wiped his feet?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, it makes sense. He did want to leave footprints.
Adrian Monk: But he did leave footprints on the patio. I saw them when I came in. Why would he wipe his feet?
Lieutenant Disher: You wiped your feet.
Adrian Monk: But I'm me. That doesn't count. Why would a kid - a burglar - stop and wipe his feet? That doesn't make any sense.

Rob Sherman: Hey, excuse me. Hello? yeah, you. Right, yeah. Did you wipe your feet?
Adrian Monk: Did I-
Rob Sherman: Wipe your feet? It's a $23,000 rug.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. I wiped them when I came in. Ten times. I don't believe we've met.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Rob Sherman, this is Adrian Monk. He's a consultant with us, and I can assure you that Mr. Monk's feet are clean. In fact, you could probably eat off them.
Rob Sherman: It's nothing personal. It's just it was my wife's favorite rug.
Adrian Monk: I understand. Sorry for your loss.
Rob Sherman: I guess it, uh, hasn't completely sunk in.
Adrian Monk: It will. It'll sink in. Completely.

Lieutenant Disher: How's it going?
Adrian Monk: Somebody unplugged the phone. He kept the gun in here?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Is this how you found it?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, we locked the place down.
Adrian Monk: He heard his wife screaming. He opened the box, he grabbed the gun.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, that's what the man said.
Adrian Monk: The box is closed, latched. If I heard my wife screaming, I wouldn't stop and close the box. Would you?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, I'm not married.
Adrian Monk: Her slippers. According to the husband, she went downstairs because she was cold.
Lieutenant Disher: If she was cold, why didn't she put on her slippers?
Adrian Monk: That's a good question.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. You'll get the next one.

Rob Sherman: Excuse me. This is private property here, okay? Shouldn't you guys be in school?
Julie Teeger: We're with my mom. Natalie Teeger. She's here with Mr. Monk.
Tim: Yeah, she just went in to get him.
Rob Sherman: And you are?
Tim: I'm... I'm nobody.
Julie Teeger: His name is Tim. He's my boyfriend.
Rob Sherman: Yeah, I can see that from the shirt. So where were you guys, some amusement park?
Julie Teeger: Um, yeah, the Bay City Pier. He works there.
Rob Sherman: Guess there's no such thing as dress codes anymore, huh?

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, let's hear it again from the top.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay. Husband, Robert Sherman. Owns expensive rug. Intruders shoes indicate that he wiped his feet.
Natalie: Why would a kid breaking and entering wipe his feet?
Adrian Monk: Because he wasn't breaking and entering. They knew each other. It was a setup.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe-
Lovely Rita: Maybe the kid, the intruder, was planning on stealing the rug and he didn't want to scuff it up.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you.
Lovely Rita: Any time.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe he was planning on stealing the rug.

Lieutenant Disher: All right, how about this one? The phone in the bedroom was unplugged.
Lovely Rita: That doesn't mean anything. I unplug my phone all the time If I want to sleep late or if I'm working.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She's right. Doesn't mean anything.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, here's another one. The wife's slippers.
Natalie: Yeah, the husband said she was cold. That's why she went downstairs. Why wouldn't she put on her slippers?
[The guys are stumped, so they look to "Lovely Rita"]
Lovely Rita: She wasn't really cold. She was just saying she was cold. She went downstairs to get a bite of that chocolate cake in the refrigerator.
Adrian Monk: What chocolate cake? Who are you?
Lieutenant Disher: This is Rita Depask, a.k.a. the Lovely Rita. She's a material witness in a knife fight downtown.
Lovely Rita: Alleged knife fight. Alleged. I love that word.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The Lovely Rita has a point, amazingly enough. Any hotshot lawyer could explain away that entire notebook.

Adrian Monk: That's true, that's true. But if you add it all up, if you look at the big picture. I mean, it's plain as day. He's the guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Was the wife insured?
Adrian Monk: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So where's your motive?
Lovely Rita: Wake up! [drags the chair she's cuffed to across the room] You got two people living under the same roof. One of them wants the other one dead. Believe me, I know.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, he didn't love her. I was there when the M.E. wheeled out the wife. All he was thinking about was the rug.
Lovely Rita: You're cute.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm not.
Lovely Rita: You ever unbutton that top button?
Adrian Monk: Nah, not- No.

Captain Stottlemeyer: There is one problem with your theory. They never met. We checked their records. The bank records, their phone records. We talked to their friends. There is no connection between Rob Sherman and Dewey Jordan.
Adrian Monk: I know I've seen them together.
Lovely Rita: Where?
Adrian Monk: I don't know where! Somewhere. It's driving me crazy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, they lived in different worlds. Here's Dewey Jordan's rap sheet. 19 arrests, 12 convictions: bad checks, drugs, couple of burglaries. And in sharp contrast, here is Mr. Sherman's jacket. One arrest. One in his entire life. Driving with a suspended license.
[After Stottlemeyer hands Monk the two rap sheets, "Lovely Rita" points to them both]
Natalie: Wait, wait, wait.
Adrian Monk: There is a connection.
Lovely Rita: Hey, we did it! You'll mention this to the D.A., right?

Natalie: This just doesn't feel right. Meeting him here.
Adrian Monk: What choice did we have? He wouldn't see me at his office, and he's not returning my phone calls.
Natalie: Yeah, I know, but this is his wife.
Adrian Monk: Who he killed in cold blood. Don't forget that.
Natalie: Gosh, I remember when Mitch's father was cremated. We went to Carolina and spread his ashes on the beach.
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna be buried next to Trudy. I can't wait.