Natalie: What did you do?
Adrian Monk: [points to the urns he reorganized] Skinny, fat, skinny, fat. Skinny... Believe me; this is the way they would've wanted it.
Natalie: Yeah, but Mr. Monk. No, what are you doing? The name tags are all mixed up.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I know, but-
Natalie: No I know that this one went over here.
Adrian Monk: No, this is her.
Natalie: This one.
Adrian Monk: All right, I got it.

Mausoleum Operator: What happened here?
Natalie: Uh, the wind.
Adrian Monk: Just a draft.
Natalie: Like a tunnel.
Adrian Monk: Table's a little wobbly.
Natalie: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: You might want to put a matchbook under this. But we cleaned it up.
Mausoleum Operator: A draft?
Adrian Monk: It's no problem.

Adrian Monk: You told the police that you didn't know Dewey Jordan, the man you killed. You said you never met him.
Rob Sherman: That's right.
Adrian Monk: But you were in traffic court four weeks ago, August 14th, 8:00 am, the Vinton Street Courthouse. And this is Dewey's rap sheet. He was at a bail reduction hearing. Same courthouse. Same day, 8:00 am.
Natalie: Is that where you met him?
Allison Clark: Mr. Sherman. Is there a problem?
Rob Sherman: No. No, there's no problem. No problem at all. This is my, secretary, Allison Clark. Well, you're right, Mr. Monk. It appears that Mr. Jordan and I were in the same building.
Adrian Monk: On the same day a few weeks before he was shot. And I don't believe in coincidence.
Rob Sherman: Yeah, neither do I. Maybe that's where he saw me.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Rob Sherman: Maybe he saw me pull up in my BMW, wearing this suit and this $5,000 Rolex watch and that's where he decided to try and rob me. Now, that's possible. Isn't it?
Adrian Monk: [mumbles]
Rob Sherman: Uh, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.
Adrian Monk: Yes, it's possible.
Allison Clark: Uh, we have to go. Is that her?
Natalie: Mostly her.

Natalie: Why? Tim was so great.
Julie Teeger: Of course you liked him. Mothers love Tim. He's... He's safe and he's polite.
Natalie: And smart, and he's cute, and he's on the swim team.
Julie Teeger: Great! Why don't you date him?

Natalie: She'll be 16 in four and a half months.
Adrian Monk: Stop torturing yourself. It doesn't mean anything.
Natalie: You think so?
Adrian Monk: Of course. She's looking forward to her birthday. It's no big deal.

Adrian Monk: You have any questions? no? Great, well, I'm- I'm- I'm glad we had this little talk. I can tell that it's been very helpful to you. We certainly had a positive, very, very productive talk. This is the end of the talk.
Julie Teeger: Wait, Mr. Monk. How do you know if What you're feeling is real?
Adrian Monk: [whispers] What are you doing?
Julie Teeger: No, I'm serious. When you met Trudy, how did you know?
Adrian Monk: [whispers] Listen. This is not real. I'm not really here, okay? This is just for your mother. No, no, no, Don't cry. you can't cry. I can't leave if you're crying. [loudly] What you're feeling is perfectly normal. [whispers]
What you're feeling is probably normal.

Lieutenant Disher: Back up disc. And I printed off a copy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, you and your friend take a very nice, very incriminating picture.
Lieutenant Disher: I put it on a mug too.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What for?
Lieutenant Disher: I figured the jury would appreciate it. They're human, the get thirsty. Exhibit a, thank you very much. [drinks] Mmm, guilty.