Woman: So which one's yours?
Captain Stottlemeyer: The big one with the whistle.

Adrian Monk: Ref. Time. Time out!
Referee: Time out, purple.
Natalie: Okay, hurry up.
Adrian Monk: Aaron Hayden belongs to that country club. It was on the trophy on his mantle. Conrad Country Club. Here's what happened. Aaron Hayden killed Paula McGoohan. I remember the case. There was DNA evidence all over the scene but nothing to match it against.
Natalie: 20 seconds.
Adrian Monk: Lynn Hayden told her brother she started that brush fire and planned to turn herself in. That's why she was so upset last week.
Natalie: 15 Seconds.
Adrian Monk: Aaron tried to talk her out of it. He knew she'd be arrested, which meant...
Captain Stottlemeyer: We would take a DNA sample.
Lieutenant Disher: Routine for a felony arrest.
Natalie: Ten seconds.
Adrian Monk: He knew if you ran her DNA through the system, it would lead you to the country club murder, which would lead you to him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It happens with siblings. A near hit.
Adrian Monk: He was trapped! He couldn't let her confess. If she was arrested, he was a dead man. [buzzer sounds]

Adrian Monk: Natalie, we won! We won! Finally! I won something.
Natalie: How does it feel, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: It feels- It feels like something's wrong.
Referee: Clear the court! We still have two seconds on the clock. Let's clear the court.
Adrian Monk: What's happening?
Natalie: Well, it's not over yet.
Referee: Put two seconds back on the the clock.
Adrian Monk: Of course.
Natalie: Don't worry. They have one shot. They'll never make it.
Adrian Monk: Of course. Of course. Of course. [the other team scores] Of course.
Natalie: I don't believe it! Did you see that?
Adrian Monk: Many times.
Natalie: Don't be sad, Mr. Monk. There's always next year.
Adrian Monk: No, it's never next year. I'm going home.

Julie Teeger: Um, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: Yeah?
Julie Teeger: You know, our coach, Miss Hayden, died on Friday.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Your mother mentioned that. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? That your mother can't do?
Emily C.: Well, the police said it was an accident.
Adrian Monk: I understand something was blocking the drain, right?
Emily J.: It was a towel. I was supposed to put all the towels away. And I did, I know I did. I checked everywhere.
Emily C.: And it was my hairdryer that did it, that electrocuted her, but I know I put it away. I mean, it was in my locker.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure? Maybe you forgot.
Emily C.: No.
[Emily J. sobs and blows her nose]
Adrian Monk: Julie. Julie.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk. Let it go. Let it go.

Adrian Monk: Julie.
Julie Teeger: Oh, hi, Mr. Monk. These are my friends, Emily and Emily. We call them Emily C. and Emily J.
Adrian Monk: I don't have any candy.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, it's not Halloween. We- We really need you.
Emily C.: We want to hire you.

Julie Teeger: So- So- So you think somebody did this to your coach on purpose?
Julie Teeger: Yeah. And, like, no one takes us seriously because, you know, we're just kids.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. What do you want me to do?
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, just do what you do. Mom says you're the greatest detective in the world. Maybe that ever lived.
Adrian Monk: She might be right.
Emily J.: We'll pay you.
Emily C.: We have $57.
Julie Teeger: And, look, we know it's not what you usually get. But it can count for me as my birthday present.
Adrian Monk: Here's the thing. I wasn't planning to buy you a birthday present. [Emily J. sobs]
Julie Teeger: Please.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Okay. Wai-- fine. Fine, fine, fine. I'll see what I can do.
Julie Teeger: Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Monk. You are such a nice person.

Natalie: Oh, God. Mr. Monk, what are we gonna do?
Adrian Monk: What do you mean?
Natalie: Can't you see it? They feel so terrible about what happened they're just in complete denial.
Adrian Monk: Well, they are offering to pay me $57.
Natalie: Okay, first of all, you're not taking their money.
Adrian Monk: So you want me to say no.
Natalie: Well, I don't know. You already said yes. Maybe it's a good thing. You know, maybe... Maybe it'll give them closure. Okay, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna look into it. And then we're gonna sit them down, and we're gonna tell them...
Adrian Monk: That it was all their fault.
Natalie: You know what? When it comes time to tell them, maybe you shouldn't.

Natalie: Higher. Oh, my God.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Natalie: Oh, my God.
Adrian Monk: God, Natalie, what is it?
Natalie: They're footprints!
Adrian Monk: Footprints. Down you go.
Natalie: Okay, down I go.
Adrian Monk: Down you go.

Lieutenant Disher: Okay, this is everything. The famous killer hairdryer, the towel, and the rest of the stuff from her locker.
Natalie: What about the footprints?
Lieutenant Disher: There was a crew in there working six weeks ago on the lights. It could have been one of them.
Natalie: What about the outlet?
Lieutenant Disher: We checked that too. It was defective.
Adrian Monk: There's no dust in the intake. This is practically brand-new. But look. Look at the cord. It's all taped up.
Natalie: Randy, I really don't think the girls are lying. They hired Mr. Monk. They're giving him all the money they have.
Adrian Monk: $57.
Natalie: You're not taking the money.

Lieutenant Disher: Natalie, they're kids. They're teenagers. They're probably lying to protect themselves.
Adrian Monk: You see how this tape's been cut? It's all jagged.
Lieutenant Disher: Guys, look. There is zero motive here. Lynn Hayden didn't have an enemy in the world. She lived with her brother. And the kids loved her. Even the other coaches liked her. She's boring. It's like reading about Mother Teresa.