Sal: Surprise! Guess who's on time.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! Sal, wow, you're pregnant.
Cameron: Congratulations!
Sal: Thank you. We're really excited.
Lily: You're huge.
Sal: Nice teeth.

Alex: [aside to camera] My dad would never admit this, but when he wants fun he goes straight to Luke. They have a weird connection. They're like Batman and Robin. Dad and I are more like Batman and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Cameron: Mitchell! Mitchell! Look at this. Do you think you could fit in there?
Mitchell: I'm not doing that.
Cameron: Then what am I gonna wear to our wedding? My black funeral suit? Is that the tone you want to set?
Mitchell: You wore it to one funeral. And you didn't even know Bea Arthur.
Cameron: I felt like I did.
Mitchell: I know.

Sal: Cam, Mitch, Peps, this guy. This is Eddie, my baby daddy.
Cameron: So, why didn't you tell us?
Sal: Oh, you know, we just wanted to get through that first trimester before we let the cat out of the bag.
Pepper: When was that last summer?
Mitchell: So, y-you're you're how far along now?
Eddie: About four months. Right, honey?
Sal: Four months. Yep. Yeah. Just about the exact amount of time Eddie and I have been together.
Ronaldo: I don't understand. Four is this many, yes?
Pepper: Si.

Andy: Mrs. P. My darn taxi never came. I'm gonna miss my flight.
Gloria: No.
Andy: I just I don't want to deal with this right now. 'Cause I'm already so scared of flying. I just hate everything about it. Except for the food. I don't understand how they get such bold flavors out of that tiny kitchen.

Haley: So, what are you gonna do in Utah?
Andy: Well, me and my girlfriend haven't seen each other in a while, so we're gonna be like a couple of bunny rabbits.
Haley: Wow.
Andy: Just hopping all over town.

Andy: Hey, my phone just buzzed. Can you read it? I don't want to put our lives at risk.
Haley: It's, uh, it's from the airline. Your flight's delayed three hours.
Andy: Three hours?!
Haley: Yeah.
Andy: Ohh! Jinkies! I guess we can just drop me off at a coffee shop, and I can take a cab from there.
Haley: Okay. Actually, I really need to wake up. Maybe I'll grab a coffee with you, if you don't mind.
Andy: Please. The more I talk to people, the less I imagine plummeting to my death in a fiery spiral of screaming and crying.
Haley: Pretty dark for someone who just said "jinkies."

Cameron: Good morning, almost husband.
MI:Good morning, almost- Oh, no! No!
Cameron: Oh! Oh!
Pepper: Oh, calm down. This can't be the first time you've woken up with other men in your bedroom.

Ronaldo: Happy wedding day!
Mitchell: What are you doing here?
Ronaldo: You pay for a full-service wedding, you get our full packages.
Pepper: Ohh. Close, honey. So close.

Ronaldo: The car will pick you up at 4:00 to whisk you away to your beautiful hilltop wedding.
Cameron: How's the weather? I had a dream it rained on everyone.
Pepper: Dry as a bone. The only thing it will be raining tonight is men.