‘The Day We Almost Died’
Season 6, Episode 11 - Aired January 7, 2015
On a drive out for a pancake breakfast, the Dunphy family and Manny have a near death experience, prompting everyone to reevaluate their lives. Claire decides to be less of a stickler, Phil wants to be a man of action, Haley and Alex try to be nicer to each other, Manny is afraid to ride in a car again, and Luke starts checking things off his bucket list.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: You know, Phil, I wanted to support you on this. I'm a firm believer in livestock in the home, but you are out of control.
Quote from Phil
Phil: I just stopped by to give you guys a little care package to show you there's no hard feelings.
Gil Thorpe: Class act, dung beetle.
Phil: Here's the malpractice attorney most of his clients have used after he's ripped them off. You will be losing some sleep, but these have always helped my wife. And this priest is retired, but I think he still does exorcisms, which you'll need after today.
Sam: Listen, Phil.
Gil Thorpe: It's okay. It's sad, really, to see a once-mediocre realtor reduced to this.
Phil: Gil, please, let's keep this civil. Oh, by the way, if you ever speak disrespectfully again about my wife, I'll kill you. Sorry. That sounded like a joke. I will actually kill you. Anyhoo, when you guys wake up and smell the sulfur, here's a list of other realtors, and if you need me, I'll be in the office at 9:00... Uh, 10:00. I have the dentist.
Quote from Gil Thorpe
Phil: [answering car phone] Hello.
Gil Thorpe: Is this Phil dumpster?
Phil: What do you want, Gil?
Quote from Mitchell
Claire: Hey.
Mitchell: Hey. Oh. Perfect. Okay, first you berate me on the phone, then you show up to my office and berate me in per- [Claire hugs Mitchell] Oh, w-what is this? I don't care for this.
Claire: We got in an accident.
Mitchell: Oh, my God!
Claire: We almost got in an accident.
Mitchell: That seems like a really important distinction.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Mitchell, you were 11 years old, and mom made me take you with me when I was skating with my friend Sophie King, and you were terrified to go through the underpass 'cause it was dark, and you were sure it was filled with monsters, so we ditched you.
Mitchell: I don't remember this at all.
Claire: Yeah, I skated away and called you a big baby.
Mitchell: Sophie threw a rock at me and you yelled, "You're so gay."
Claire: I did do that.Oh, didn't I? We used to use that word a lot. You used to be able to call anything gay. Ugh. Do you ever miss that?
Mitchell: No.
Claire: No. That's hurtful. Yeah. I'm sorry, Mitchell.
Quote from Mitchell
Claire: What happened? What happened?
Mitchell: It w- It was terrible! They took my wallet and my skates and my tie. What what homeless person needs a tie?
Quote from Alex
Alex: About what you said in the car...
Haley: Please don't make fun of me right now.
Alex: No, I would never. It was actually really honest. And I need to stop taking shots at your intelligence.
Haley: You don't do it that often.
Alex: Well, you miss a lot of it. Oh. There, I did it again.
Haley: Did what?
Alex: Uh, it doesn't matter.
Quote from Haley
Alex: Ow. Ow!
Haley: If it were easy, everyone would be hot.
Alex: Yep, you know, I-it's not just my feet. It's from when I walked into the stop sign because you wouldn't give me back my-
Haley: Okay, fine. I'll give you back your man-goggles.
Quote from Alex
Alex: [aside to camera] 400 people liked this photo. I was not one of them. My art teacher made a pithy "blue period" comment, and my top prom prospect suddenly found a girlfriend in Canada.
Quote from Haley
Alex: Do you think I could get my sneakers back?
Haley: Oh, I threw them away with the rest of your clothes when you were in the changing room. I thought about saving them for the housekeeper, but I couldn't remember if she had a son.