‘The Bicycle Thief’
Season 1, Episode 2 - Aired September 30, 2009
Gloria pushes Jay to spend time with Manny, but they both have places they would rather be. When they start daycare classes with Lily, Mitchell wants Cameron to tone down his personality. Meanwhile, Phil insists Luke is ready for a bicycle of his own.
Quote from Jay
Jay: So, let's do this.
Manny: Okay, but I need to be done by 3:00. That's when my Dad's picking me up.
Jay: Hey, if we're not done by 3:00, I'm gonna tie a noose on this thing.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: I can't believe I'm so nervous.
Cameron: They're gonna love us. Let's just be ourselves.
Mitchell: Or a slightly toned-down version of ourselves. I just- I just don't want this to become an episode of "The Cam Show."
Cameron: Oh, my gosh, people love "The Cam Show."
Mitchell: Yes, I know.
Cameron: You watch "The Cam Show."
Mitchell: I do watch it.
Cameron: It's appointment viewing.
Quote from Cameron
Danielle: Everyone, we have a new family joining us today.
Mitchell: Hi. I'm, uh, I'm Mitchell, and I am a lawyer.
Cameron: I-I'm Cameron, and I'm currently not working, Which gives me more time to grill. And shoot baskets and-
Mitchell: And this is Lily.
Quote from Phil
Phil: [aside to camera] The good news is, luke has his bike. More good news, I taught some random kid a valuable lesson by stealing his bike. Best news, Claire knows nothing. So, I figure I'll just dump the new bike where I stole the first bike. That way, random kid gets his back, and this new bike doesn't raise a lot of embarrassing questions, like why I had it or who boosted who through a bedroom window. So, everybody's happy.
Quote from Manny
Manny: I think my arm is broken.
Jay: Relax. It's not broken.
Manny: How do you know? You don't know anything! You have no concern for safety.
Jay: Because it didn't hit you that hard.
Manny: Why don't you just say it? You don't want me around.
Jay: You know what? Right now, I don't.
Manny: I don't want to be with you, either. I'm gonna go wait for my Dad.
Jay: [mockingly] Oh, but- But if you leave, how will I ever finish?
Manny: You know what? I wish you never married my mom. I hate living here.
Jay: You think I like this arrangement? I got a two-seater parked in the driveway.
Quote from Phil
Desiree: Hi, again. I, uh, found your bike.
Phil: Uh. Oh, good! You- At the gas station?
Desiree: No, at my house. One of my neighbors saw it and put it in my garage when you were in my bedroom, so.
Phil: [to Claire] Classic me?
Quote from Phil
Boy: Hey! That's my bike!
Phil: Oh. I don't, uh- Well- I was giving it back! [running]