Jay: [aside to camera] The key to being a good dad? Look, sometimes things work out just the way you want. Sometimes they don't. You got to hang in there. Because when all is said and done, 90% of being a dad is just showin' up.

Cameron: So, you seen any m-movies lately?
Danielle: Uh, yeah. You know, my husband and I just rented, uh, "Mamma Mia," which I liked, but I don't know that Meryl Streep was the right choice. What did you think?
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Excuse me. Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice. She's perfection. Whether she's divorcing Kramer, whether she's wearing Prada. Don't even get me started on "Sophie's Choice." I get emotional thinking about it. She couldn't forgive herself. [whimpers]

Jay: [aside to camera] Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth? He's a total flake. In fact, the only way he's like Superman Is that they both landed in this country illegally.