Claire: Phil. Phil, you are Dede-ing my party.
Phil: Your father Dede'd my life. He's the one who got the phone call 15 years ago about the magic job and never told me.
Claire: Oh, Phil.
Phil: Your family has always treated me like a child who can't make his own decisions. I couldn't even make an outfit choice for the wedding without your mother commenting on it. That's why I slipped her those three drinks at the reception.

Gloria: [thumping] It's very warm back here!
Claire: You need to let Gloria out of that box. And my dad had nothing to do with that. I'm the one who told him not to give you the message.
Gloria: [thumping] Did I miss the "Ta-da"?

Jay: You came! Thank God!
Manny: Not because of you. I couldn't enjoy my time with Denise knowing my mother needed me. I mean, I enjoyed it a little. She's a dance major trying to replace food with affection.
Jay: I really don't care.

Gloria: You don't understand. I tell people that I work hard to stay fit and to stay young, but the reality is that I barely do anything. But now my body is getting...
Jay: Bigger?
Gloria: How dare you! But yes. [sighs] But I've always looked a certain way. And now that I don't, then what am I? Just a self-trained hairdresser with a hot-sauce business.
Jay: You still have that? Gloria, you're so much more than how you look.
Gloria: That's what you say to people that are not that pretty anymore.
Jay: Are you insane? You could be my age and 30 pounds heavier, and you would still be unbelievably out of my league. Listen, you gain a couple who cares? These have been the best 10 years of my life. I'm in it for every pound, every wrinkle, every gray hair. [Gloria's relatives aww]

Claire: I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job. You're just such a "Go for it" kind of guy, and I love that about you, but in that case, we had three little kids, a mortgage, and I was nervous.
Phil: You could have at least included me in the decision.
Claire: You're right! You're right. And I know "I'm sorry" doesn't begin to cover it.
Phil: Why are we stopping?
Claire: Well, our kids are grown, I run a company, you've got a great day job. I thought maybe it was time you picked up an old hobby.
Phil: Are those...
Claire: Uh, keys to your new magic shop.
Phil: Oh, my God!
Claire: [laughs] Go on!
Phil: What?!
Claire: I know! And Mister Ekshun was willing to let it go for next to nothing. Which, now that I think of it, is probably not a great sign.
Phil: This is awesome! And "Mister Ekshun" I just got that! It's kind of funny that you're making up for making a decision that should have been mine by making another decision for me.