Dede: Oh, what's going on here, you two?
Claire: You are- You're insane.
Robbie: Claire still wants me.
Claire: No. Don't.
Dede: Oh, I should've seen this coming.
Claire: Oh, really?
Dede: One minute she sees I'm happy, and she swoops in-
Claire: Didn't swoop! I didn't swoop! If anybody swooped, it was you!

Claire: Why does everything have to be so hard with you? Why can't you just be a normal, old grandma? You come in here It's some sort of sick game for you to just push people and push people and push people and see how far you can push them, until finally, look at me, you win! You win! I'm screaming at a princess party, Mom!
Phil: Claire.
Claire: I'm screaming at a princess party.

Cameron: Okay, gun to your head. Which pair should I wear?
Mitchell: Oh, gun to my head, I'd say pull the trigger.
Cameron: What's that supposed to mean?
Mitchell: No Fizbo.
Cameron: But why?
Mitchell: Cam. Cam, the center of attention at Lily's party should be Lily, not Fizbo the needy clown.
Cameron: I'm sorry. Excuse me. Needy?
Mitchell: "Why aren't they laughing, Mitchell? Why aren't they clapping when I'm pulling the handkerchief out of my mouth?"
Cameron: It's 10 feet long with boxer shorts at the end. It works on so many levels.

Mitchell: Yeah. Well, also it's a princess theme party. So, I guess you just don't respect party themes.
Cameron: You did not just say that.
Mitchell: I'm sorry. That was- That was crossing a line.
Cameron: Yes, it was. So, can Fizbo come to the party?
Mitchell: No, no. You are Lily's dad. Just be there as her dad.
Cameron: Are you implying I'm not being a good dad now?
Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits...
Cameron: They don't. They're comically large.

Dede: Claire Bear. Oh, my sweet girl.
Claire: Gosh.
Dede: I forget that you're all grown up.
Claire: Yeah.
Dede: You know, in my mind, you're still 12. But look at us. Just two old ladies.
Claire: Ohh.

Dede: So, anyways, you'll never guess who I saw at the airport.
Claire: Mmm, who's that?
Dede: Robbie Sullivan.
Claire: Robbie- My Robbie Sullivan from high school? God, I haven't seen him in years.
Dede: Decades, really.

Dede: I always liked him. And, as I recall, the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other.
Haley: Oh, really, Mom?
Claire: That's not true.
Dede: It is true. I read it in your diary.
Claire: You read my diary.
Dede: Well, yeah. I- I read it because I wanted to see if you were on drugs. It's called parenting, Claire.

Claire: Robbie?
Robbie: Look at you.
Dede: Surprise! I invited him to dinner.
Claire: What?
Dede: Didn't I tell you she'd be excited? Huh?
Claire: Uh-huh. I don't know what to say.
Robbie: Well, maybe a Fuzzy Navel wine cooler will loosen you up. It sure used to.

Phil: Hey, honey, who's this?
Claire: This is, um, Robbie my boyfriend from when I was 17 years old, whom my mom invited to dinner.
Phil: Fasten your seat belts. Phil Dunphy.
Robbie: Phil, how do you know Claire?
Phil: I know Claire from being married to Claire.
Robbie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh, wait a minute, uh...
Claire: Mom didn't mention that I'm married with three kids?
Robbie: No. All she said was that you were still trying to figure out your life.

Claire: Why would you not mention that I'm married?
Dede: Oh, God, Claire. Not everything in a conversation is about you.
Claire: Mom, I could use some help in the kitchen.
Dede: Your words, not mine.