‘Patriot Games’
Season 6, Episode 22 - Aired May 6, 2015
Alex can't believe it when the school announces that she will be co-Valedictorian with her academic rival Sanjay. As Gloria studies for her upcoming U.S. citizenship test, a visit from Javier has her questioning whether she's giving up her Colombian heritage. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron feel shamed by their gay friends for not being politically active, so they agree to join a protest against a local restaurant without knowing the reason behind the boycott.
Quote from Cameron
Nina: Alex's uncle cannot possibly be considered an impartial judge.
Cameron: I'm the gym teacher. Who else has the training to oversee this?
Principal Brown: Anyone with a stopwatch?
Cameron: Okay, you know what? No need to humiliate me.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Okay. Where is everybody? [scoffs] So like the gays to no-show.
Cameron: Yeah, right? Is there a sale at Barneys that nobody told us about? [both chuckle]
Mitchell: Seriously, is there?
Cameron: I don't know.
Quote from Alex
Phil: Oh, my God. She's still going.
Claire: I know. Remember how winded she used to get hauling around Ulysses in the third grade?
Phil: She's surprisingly graceful for being so uncoordinated.
Luke: I know. I was hoping to get a funny video of her falling. But I don't think it's going to happen.
Alex: My playlist ended two minutes ago. I heard all that.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Jay, I'm not in the mood. I'm having some doubts.
Jay: Okay, you listened to Javier, now listen to me. Do you know why I want you to become an American citizen? Because I fought for this country. My father fought for this country. Because this country is all about freedom and opportunity. And I want you to share in that a hundred percent.
Quote from Manny
Manny: Hey, Mom. Um, I got invited to my friend Billy's house for dinner tonight.
Gloria: Don't worry. We're not gonna eat this. We're gonna eat steak.
Manny: Oh, good. There's no Billy.
Quote from Manny
Manny: Why the sudden change of menu?
Gloria: Well, I was having some doubts, but Jay made me feel better. He told me the reason why he wants me to be an American.
Manny: Oh, those long lines.
Gloria: What long lines?
Manny: The Customs line. Oh, Jay hates them when we come back from Cabo.
Gloria: What? That son of a bitch wants me to turn my back on my homeland for an airport line?
Manny: You know, I should at least make an appearance at Billy's.
Quote from Luke
Luke: Why are we so focused on helping Alex win when we could be working on making Sanjay lose?
Phil: Talk to me.
Luke: Okay, is there a manhole on the track? Because it's kind of important to my plan.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Manny told me that you want me to give up my heritage so that you don't have to wait in line at the airport.
Jay: Oh, I gotta stop talking to that kid when I'm drinking.
Gloria: Well, I'm not gonna do it. So say good-bye to your little American wife.
Jay: Man, those shorts really take the sting out of getting yelled at.
Quote from Jay
Manny: I know nobody asked for my advice-
Jay: Yet you're talking.
Manny: I agree with Jay.
Jay: Let's hear him out.
Manny: Don't do this for him, Mom.
Jay: You're all over the place.
Quote from Claire
Phil: Come on, Alex! You can do it!
Claire: I ran six miles the morning you were born! You came out of the womb ready for this!