[aside to camera:]
Claire: Phil can't come to Paris because he has to work. It stinks, but I am still gonna have so much fun visiting all my favorite places from the semester I spent there in college.
Phil: Real-estate emergency. Um, broker/client confidentiality fobids me from discussing it. The stuff I've seen... you do not want to know.
Claire: Correct.

Mitchell: Look, if you want, and you don't feel too awkward about being a third wheel, maybe...
Claire: Ugh! Pity invite from Mitchell? How the tables have turned. No, merci. I'm gonna go find my favorite café, have a glass of wine, and try not to be sad that I'm all alone.

Mitchell: You know, I heard the bread here is healthier than the kind we have back home.
Cameron: Well, how is that possible? Bread is bread.
Mitchell: You would think, but it's actually the way that the grain is, um... No, no, it's... It's the way that the... the ovens... Okay, look, I'm gonna have a lot of bread while we're here. I need it to be okay.

Cameron: [yawning] I am so sorry. I think I'm jet-lagged. You know what? I might take a nap while you go out and explore. [horn honks] Ooh! Oh.
Mitchell: What was that? W-Why did your bag honk?
Cameron: I think that was a phone. You know, that's how they ring here. [horn honking] Will somebody answer that? Hmm? Hmm? Don't be mad.
Mitchell: Fizbo? My sweaters were too bulky to pack, but Fizbo made the cut?

Mitchell: Excusez-moi. Um... ou se trouve, um...
French Hipster: What are you looking for? Mona Lisa? McDonald's? Both are that way. Heads up, the portions here are normal-size.
Mitchell: H-How did you know I'm American? Is my accent that bad? [The French guy points to Mitchell's outfit]
We're dressed the same.
French Hipster: There's no reason to attack me.

Manny: Hey. Where's Jay?
Gloria: I think he's nervous. He has changed his outfit three times. If this is what it's like to be married to me, it's no picnic.
Manny: We have a problem. I have to show you something. Come here.
Gloria: [gasps] Burl Saunders!
Manny: Close. Earl Chambers.

[aside to camera:]
Gloria: When the Expo called, Manny talked to them because he speaks French. At least, he thought he did.
Manny: In my defense, the French word for "hotel room" sounds a lot like "chamber."
[flashback:]
Manny: [on the phone] Oh, oui, oui. [to Jay] They said you're putting you up in the royal suite. It used to be some earl's chamber.
Jay: That's closet people for you... class all the way!

Claire: What are you both doing here?
Phil: I came to surprise you on Valentine's Day. You know the guy on the plane with all the face bandages? That was me.

Guy: Oh, Claire, remember that time when we snuck into the cellar of that wine bar?
Claire: Oh, God, we were so crazy and so young!
Phil: [laughs] Not anymore. What's that, Grandma? She's a grandma now.

Claire: Guy, this suite is so beautiful. I think the last time we were in Paris, we had a franc between the two of us.
Phil: Oh, God! Who's Frank?