Manny: Okay, I got to go get ready. Sam's gonna pick me up for a bite before the game.
Gloria: Jay, I don't like this.
Jay: Eh, it's not my favorite exit of his, but it beats the dramatic stage bow.

Jay: Nice ride.
Sam: Thanks.
Jay: You know, Manny's not really used to fast cars. And I don't know what your intentions are with this Mustang, but, um, I suggest you take things nice and slow. We clear?
Sam: Um, sounds like you really want me to drive slow.
Jay: No, uh, what I think I'm saying is, hands can do things. [Sam honks the horn] No, uh, hang on. Young people have urges, which is only natural. I also have urges.
Sam: Okay.
Jay: I mean, the point is, you're 18. I have my eye on you.
Manny: Jay, what are you doing? Go inside.
Jay: No means no!

Jay: What a game! Our guys were playing like they come from a much poorer neighborhood.

Gloria: Jay, I think that she really likes him. Look. She looks at him the same way that I look at him. So sweet.
Jay: And in her case, healthy.

Jay: Focus, defense. They got two players hurting us. It's not that much to keep track of!

Jay: [aside to camera] I couldn't tell Manny because it would kill him, and I couldn't tell Gloria because she would kill me. Hell of a way to ruin a nice hot dog.

Mitchell: Oh, you dropped your little clipboard.
Cameron: I thought you had a work dinner tonight.
Mitchell: I did, but I blew them off. I'd rather be here supporting the team. You better go, Dolphins!
Cameron: Yeah, love that, but, you know, the game's almost over. You might want to beat traffic, so...
Mitchell: I thought you'd be happy that I was here. Why do I feel like you're trying to get rid of me?
Cameron: I have no idea. It's not because you're a jinx.
Mitchell: A jinx? Do you think I'm a jinx?
Cameron: No! No, no, no, no, no. This all can't be on you.

Carl: I know it hurts now, but, uh, being a man-about-town, on your own, has its perks. This is on me. So, who left who?
Phil: She did. She said she needed some space, got her own place, and took the kids.

Claire: You know when you don't think about who was in there before you, a hotel bath can be really quite relaxing. Do you know if Alex got my text?
Alex: Your swipe-card wine.
Claire: Thank you.
Alex: Hey, so, I was talking to those sad guys that are in the lobby, and they said the hotel's been half-empty all week.
Claire: Half-full, honey. Be positive for once in your life.
Alex: Okay, not quite the point I was making.
Claire: I want to hear your point, but right now, this magic juice is gonna help mama turn that bathtub into a swim-up bar.

Alex: I'm just saying we could have been in two hotel rooms this entire time.
Claire: Okay.
Luke: Wait. So, Dad put us through hell for nothing?
Haley: Do you guys hear that?
Luke: The sound of my hero falling off his pedestal?